HnG: Ecchi Gaiden
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: A dumping ground for my short, silly, and above all pervy Hayate the Combat Butler drabbles. No need for plot or development here, just fanservice and crack. But mostly fanservice. This chapter: "Their stars were crossed, two unfortunate fates – they could not become true lovers, perhaps, but for now, at least, they could pretend."
1. Nagi's Fall

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: Sometimes I just feel like writing up something short, silly, and pervy with no real plot. This is where such snippets will go. Their length will vary, and there will be little if any continuity at all between these drabbles. **

**This one stars Nagi Sanzen'in – the girl who could probably almost be called the main female protagonist of **_**Hayate the Combat Butler**_** – and Wataru **

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**Ecchi Drabble One:**

**Nagi's Fall**

"Wataru, you dummy!" Nagi snapped, wearing naught but a bath towel wrapped around her petite frame. She was clenching her fists in front of her as she stomped ominously closer to the subject of her ire. "Who do you think you are?-!"

Wataru blanched, nervously backing away from the enraged blonde. "Listen, Nagi, I can explain..." he said. There was clear fear in his eyes.

"Shut up, you jerk!" Nagi snarled, stepping closer as she backed the Tachibana heir into a corner. "I don't want to hear it!"

Wataru fought back a whimper as he felt his back press up against a wall. He usually wasn't afraid of Nagi, but then again she usually wasn't so absolutely terrifying, either, so he felt that his fear was justified in this case.

"L-look, I'm sorry...!" Wataru stammered, holding his hands up in a gesture that was half to placate the furious girl and half to protect his face from her wild punches. "I didn't mean to walk in on you, okay?-! How was I supposed to know you were in the middle of taking a bath?-!"

The former Sanzen'in heiress snarled and swung a vicious right hook at Wataru, who ducked under it.

Nagi's eyes widened infinitesimally as she felt herself overbalance. Like it was happening in slow motion, she felt herself topple over and saw the floor rise to meet her as she fell forwards. Her hands reflexively flew out in front of her.

She landed on her hands and knees, eyes shut, wincing as she felt herself smarting from the impact. There was something between her legs, but for the moment that was immaterial. Even if only for a second, she was still in shock from the fall.

Then, with a sense of horror, she felt her towel sliding against her skin, and it was a second too late that she realized it must have come loose. Opening her eyes, she saw Wataru's dark blue orbs staring back at her. They were much too close for comfort.

She looked down, and saw that she was straddling Wataru, her waist dangerously close to his. Her hands, which were holding her up off the floor, were right next to Wataru. Her hair, which was still loose and not yet tied up in her customary twin-tail style, was falling past her face in smooth, silky strands of threaded sunshine.

And Wataru's hands were on her chest, his relatively uncalloused palms sending some not entirely unpleasant sensations through her body as they rubbed against her nipples, which were erect from how cold the air outside the bathroom felt after a hot bath. She shivered at his touch even as she quaked with barely restrained anger.

Her pupils contracted for a second, and her eyes narrowed as her lips curled and her nostrils flared. Snarling like a maddened lioness, she _roared._

"WATARU TACHIBANA, YOU UNFORGIVABLE _**PERVERT!-!-!**_"

**TTFN and R&R!**


	2. Aika's Mistaken Conclusion

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: This chapter is a lemony twist on an old fanfiction classic, starring Aika in the main role, with incidental appearances by Hayate and Izumi. It's a lot smuttier than the previous one, and it's really too long to be called a drabble, but eh. I like it, and I liked writing it, even if I did end up getting writer's block in the middle there for a couple of days.  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Two:**

**Aika's Mistaken Conclusion**

It was around half after five, on a Saturday. Aika Kasumi, student council vice president, was on the top floor of the Hakuō Academy clock tower, going through student council records looking for something. It was after hours at the prestigious and exclusive school, and technically no students should have been there, but Aika had business she had forgotten to attend to earlier.

"Oh, where is it, I wonder...?" she muttered, flipping through manilla folders in an old, disused filing cabinet.

She was in a cluttered, dusty storage room adjacent to the main room where the student council held its meetings. The files she was looking for were supposedly located somewhere in here, but the aristocratic, purple-haired schoolgirl was having no such luck so far.

At the last student council meeting, a certain issue had been brought to Aika's attention by the head of the disciplinary committee, Risa Asakaze. Apparently, a few less-than-popular teachers were pushing to reinstate some of the more byzantine regulations on student fraternization in response to claims of increasingly... _inappropriate_... conduct by certain students.

Risa, naturally, opposed this movement. And she was hardly the only one. Over half of the members of the student council were guilty of "inappropriate conduct", and most of the rest were hopeful about eventually one day participating in the "inappropriate conduct" in question.

So they had turned to her, Aika Kasumi, Love Master and student council vice president, to find a solution to this problem. Preferably by locating evidence of some sort that the regulations that were being pushed to be reinstated had never worked to prevent lewd conduct between students before.

And so here she was, spending her weekend sorting through old disciplinary records to prevent the reinstatement of those utterly _barbaric_ rules against student fraternization.

As she browsed through yellowing, hand-written expense reports from the class of '81, Aika's search was disturbed by an unexpected sound. It was faint and muffled, and she only barely picked it up over the rustling of paper as she sifted through the drawer. At first, Aika thought she was simply hearing things. And for a few minutes, this seemed to be the case.

But then she heard it again. And a third time as well, a few seconds later.

Aika frowned. What could that be?

The sound was indistinct, but it was definitely different from the distant humming of the independent generators that supplied electricity to the clock tower (which was on a separate power grid than most of the rest of the school) or the nearly silent gears behind the large clock face that adorned the very peak of the tower. Whatever it was, that sound was most certainly not mechanical in origin.

If anything, it sounded almost like... a pair of voices...

Frowning ever so slightly, her curiosity at last getting the best of her, Aika abandoned her hunt for those elusive files and set off in search of the source of the noises. She walked through several rooms in her search for the source, slowly following the sounds. They gradually grew louder and more distinct as Aika continued towards them, until eventually she stopped outside the door to the student council's private hot springs.

There was no doubt that this was where the sounds were coming from, as Aika could now hear them quite plainly. Despite the very..._suggestive_...nature of the noises, the student council vice president's cheeks were not tinged by any sort of blush. She was not called the Love Master by her peers for nothing – there was very little that could seriously shock or unbalance her when it came to matters of sex and romance.

Really, if there was anything about this situation that actually bothered her, it was the fact that she could not quite place a name to the voices...

_ "Ooh, Hayata-kun~__❤"_

Oh, wait, never mind.

Aika Kasumi's ears perked up at this. Finally! So _that's_ who it was.

She giggled wickedly to herself. Well, well, well. Who would have thought that Izumi Segawa would be such a screamer? Or, for that matter, that Hayate Ayasaki would ever actually take a hint and pick a girl?

Aika's devilish grin widened.

Or maybe... _he could be going for a harem ending!_

She rubbed her hands together gleefully at this. Yes, that must be it!

Oh, what a scoop! Wait until the student council heard about this!

_'...Although...' _

Aika paused in thought.

_'...do the girls know of Hayate's intentions, themselves...?'_

For a moment, Aika wondered how Hinagiku might take such news. Certainly, the student council president was hopelessly smitten with the Sanzen'in family's indentured manservant (and oh how deliciously _scandalous_ it was!), but would she approve of such a solution to Ayasaki's infamous three-dimensional love polyhedron...?

Oooh, the thought of Hinagiku's reaction to this had Aika shivering. Such a scandal simply _waiting_ to be unleashed!

Feeling mischievous, and maybe a little randy, Aika took out a digital audio recorder and took a seat outside the door to listen in on Izumi and Hayate's juicy little tryst.

_ "Not so hard... Hayata-kun... It hurts!" _Aika heard Izumi moan quite vocally. The Segawa heiress's voice was coming through clear as crystal.

Aika felt herself getting worked up as a mental image of the duo _en flagrante_ formed in her head.

She could quite vividly picture a squirming, panting Izumi pinned to the floor beside the hot springs, as she writhed in indescribable ecstasy beneath a naked, sweating Hayate as he feverishly thrust into her, their legs inextricably tangled as they made hot, passionate, sticky love to one another.

Aika, getting lost in this fantasy, even fancied that she could almost detect the musky scent of Hayate and Izumi's mingled sex over the smells of the artificial hot springs.

_"I'm sorry, Segawa-san... I know it hurts at first, but be patient. It will start to feel good soon enough."_

Aika shivered again. She couldn't help herself. Drifting through a haze of arousal, imagining Hayate pumping harder and deeper into Izumi, her hands crawled down to the hem of her skirt by their own accord. Before she even knew what she was doing, Aika had lifted up the front of her skirt and tugged her panties out of the way, impatiently pushing the crotch of the underwear aside as she plunged soft, perfectly manicured fingers into the wet, burning flower of her blossoming womanhood.

Aika fought back a moan as she shamelessly pleasured herself to the sound of Hayate and Izumi's voices. She set the sound recorder down on the floor and raised her other hand to toy with her breasts, deftly undoing the buttons of her Hakuō uniform blouse. She was panting and sweating and burning up.

_"Nyaaa~n...! It feels so good...!"_ moaned Izumi's voice.

_"Ngh!"_ Hayate's voice grunted.

Aika's face grew red as she envisioned Hayate and Izumi furiously making love to one another, increasing in tempo as they matched the timing of their thrusts, quickly approaching climax.

This time she could not hold back the moan.

The sounds coming from inside the hot springs came to an abrupt stop.

_"Eh? What was that?"_ came Izumi's voice.

_"I don't know,"_ Aika heard Hayate answer. _"But it sounds like someone is hurt."_

_"Ehh!-? Really!-?"  
_

_"Yeah... Really. It sounds like it was coming from just outside, too... I'd better go check and see if they're alright!"  
_

Aika heard Izumi moan in disappointment at this. Then she heard Hayate's footsteps. He was coming. He was going to catch her if she didn't do something...!

She moaned again in spite of herself, causing the footsteps to quicken. She felt her arousal surge. The thought of being caught masturbating by Hayate, just outside of where he and Izumi had been doing the deed... It got her going more than anything else she had ever experienced.

Apparently, she was a closet exhibitionist. Either that, or some very perverted part of her fancied that if Hayate found her like this, he might invite her to join him...

She moaned a third time, hearing the door open behind her. The light from the indoor hot springs pooled over her. And then it was blocked.

She was in Hayate's shadow.

Overwhelmed, she came and bonelessly collapsed backwards onto the floor, her head landing between his feet. She looked up at Hayate, who was staring down at her with a face as red as a tomato.

"Ah-ah-ah... Aika-san!" he squeaked.

Aika smiled. "Hello, Ayasaki-san," she heard herself say, "Do you mind if I join the two of you?"

Hayate, staring dumbly, red-faced at her, blurted out, "You want a massage too!-?"

Aika then blinked, noticing for the first time that Hayate was fully clothed.

"Oh," she said, "Well... this is awkward."

**TTFN and R&R!**


	3. Drunk on Yukiji

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: I find it interesting how, so far, two out of three of these have not starred Hayate in any manner, and that in the one that _did_ he was in a fairly minor role. I s'pose it's good for my creativity with HnG to write characters I don't usually pay all that much mind to in my usual writing. And, also, I once again show my inexplicable love of alcohol as a plot device.  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Three:**

**Drunk on Yukiji**

"Wahahaha! Pass me another drink, Kaoru!" Yukiji bellowed happily, her face bright red and her eyes slightly unfocused. "This is some good stuff, y'know!"

Kyonosuke Kaoru, whose own cheeks were merely a little pink, sighed longsufferingly, though he did nonetheless refill her cup.

"Slow down, why don't you..." he muttered, although his eyes were focused more on the cleavage being shown by his colleague and crush's partially unbuttoned blouse than on the rate at which she was downing the booze.

It was the end of the spring semester, and the two teachers were celebrating the start of summer break the only way they could.

By drinking in at his place.

It wasn't much – the beer was some cheap, off-brand swill, and Kyonosuke's flat was small and cluttered with an assortment of anime miniatures and model Gundams – but teaching was not a particularly high-paying job, not even at a prestigious institution like Hakuō, and neither of them was particularly good about not squandering money on booze or anime merchandise. Nonetheless, Yukiji was drunk enough that she was having the time of her life regardless, and she was in a sufficiently advanced state of undress that Kyonosuke, for his part, was scarcely able to pay attention to anything else.

The adult otaku gulped nervously, his face reddening as he watched, mesmerized, as his verdette companion started toying with the buttons on the front of her shirt once again.

"'S'too damn hot," Yukiji grumbled as she struggled with undoing another button. She had gone through this routine a few times already that night – with every few drinks she imbibed, she would start complaining about the heat in the apartment, and eventually undo another button on her top. So far she had unbuttoned three of them, but each time she did so she was a little bit drunker and had a little more trouble doing it.

"Well I _told you _my AC was broken, but you_ insisted_ on coming here," Kyonosuke said.

"Still too hot..." Yukiji groused, ignoring her drinking partner's words. "I can't get this thing t' unbutton..." she groaned, apparently giving up her attempts at undoing the button.

She then turned her attention to Kyonosuke. Bleary eyes surveyed the male schoolteacher.

She leaned in closer, staring him right in the eyes and giving him a considerable eyeful of her modest cleavage. Kyonosuke felt his palms sweat and his hands shake as his eyes zeroed in on his longtime crush's "valley of sensual delights", as he had more than once described it in his secret journal-not-diary that was currently stowed away in a small safe hidden beneath a loose floorboard below a crumpled cardboard box of vintage porn under his bed.

Yukiji, noticing that Kyonosuke wasn't meeting her eyes, followed his gaze down to her exposed cleavage. A drunken, mischievous grin made its way onto her face as she connected the dots, and Yukiji leered lecherously at her friend for a moment, before adopting the demeanor of a shy, abashed schoolgirl.

"_Oh my!_" she squealed, her cheeks growing even redder as she pretended to act embarrassed. "_How bold~!_" she exclaimed, girlishly holding her hands up to her mouth and turning away from Kyonosuke. She glanced at him over her shoulder with impossibly large, dewy eye, looking about as innocent as the fox in the chicken coop.

Kaoru blinked, taken aback at Yukiji's over the top reaction. "Er — ah — I'm sorry —" he stuttered anxiously, suddenly feeling acutely aware of how this must have looked. "I didn't meant to — how rude of me — I hope you're not mad — I mean, you're really cute —"

He blushed, his speech quickening as his face grew redder.

"Um — and I _really_ like you — and, er — you just bent over — oh, I couldn't help myself — I _really_ hope you aren't angry with me — I'm _so sorry_ — I just caught a glimpse and then I couldn't help but look — you're simply too beautiful for words — I really like you and I hope we can — but I know we're just friends — and I know was out of bounds — but I can't help but want to — and I know you don't like me that way — but I've felt this way for so long — and I just want to say — I really like — well — er —"

He continued stammering helplessly, trying to say a dozen different things at once as the words got jumbled together on his tongue as he tried to apologize and ask for forgiveness and confess his feelings without making ass of himself. It was like the floodgates had burst open, allowing years and years of unspoken feelings to burst forth. He too many things he wanted to tell her, but no idea where to even begin. He felt a great attraction to the green haired woman – he might have even been in love with her – but he also felt like he had in some way betrayed their friendship by so openly ogling her and thinking of her in such perverted ways. He wanted to apologize, but he also wanted to confess, so he ended up trying be do both, thereby succeeding at neither.

Thus, making an ass of himself.

And Yukiji simply chuckled, waving a hand dismissively as she dropped the 'bashful schoolgirl' act.

"Slow down, _why don'tcha?_" she teased lustily, leaning forward again.

This time, until their noses were nearly touching.

"_You want me._"

It wasn't a question, so much as a statement of fact. That he wanted her was self-evident – it was clear as to her as the nose on his face.

Her breath was hot on Kyonosuke's lips. The pungent smell of alcohol filled his nostrils. But there was something else as well – an underlying hint of Yukiji's scent, perhaps.

His cheeks flushed violently as he felt his gaze being drawn briefly once more to his friend's exposed cleavage. But before his eyes could linger there for more than a few seconds, he felt something warm and wet mash against his lips.

With a start, he realized that Yukiji was _kissing him_.

He felt his mouth gape open against her kiss as shock claimed his senses. Her tongue darted into his mouth, finding no resistance from him. He was slack, too stunned to do anything but sit there as the girl he had futilely pined after for_ so long_ voraciously attacked his mouth.

He was dizzy as Yukiji pressed deeper into the kiss, trying to elicit a response from him. He felt a dull buzz come over his senses as the taste of Yukiji filled his mouth, and the smell of beer filled his nostrils. Slowly, like coming out of a trance, he lamely pressed into the kiss, his tongue tentatively probing her mouth.

He was clumsy in his efforts, and somewhat reluctant to press the attack at first. It was clear to Yukiji that he was a complete novice – hell, this was probably his first real kiss. But she didn't care. She was drunk.

They both were.

Yukiji on booze, and he on Yukiji.

After a few more seconds of Kyonosuke's clumsy but increasingly passionate kissing, Yukiji pulled back. She grinned predatorily at him, eying her colleague like he was a piece of meat.

"You want me," she repeated, slurring the words a little as she spoke. "I'm drunk and horny. It's the end of the semester, and we won't have to see our students for a month. You need to get laid, I need a good fuck, It's half past nine, and we're all out of booze."

She grabbed his hand, leaned in, and stole a quick kiss. "_Let's ride._"

**TTFN and R&R!**


	4. Hayate the Accidental Pervert

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

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**A/N: You know, I think I might take some requests for these drabbles, if you guys have any.  
**

**Originally, I had something completely different for this chapter, but the end product was a bit too adult for me to be posting here, considering that FF dot net is cracking down on the "No MA fics" thing. Honestly, if that movement gets carried completely through, than I can think of at least two fics of mine that will almost certainly get deleted, _Operation Fatal Harem_and _Hot for Teacher._ _Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!_ is borderline, at least in the later chapters, but I think it's closer to the M side of things. _An Immodest Puppet's Proposal_ has an uncensored version on Hentai Foundry so the version here doesn't include any of the lemons (that I can remember), and _Sword Submission_, despite my own assertions that it is PWP, is far from explicit. I've already backed up ONNHc in case the worst comes to pass, though it's doubtful_,_ and I don't think any of my other fics are exactly at risk of being deleted, so I'm not too terribly worried about this whole thing.  
**

**Anyways, all that aside, this chapter is an homage to early Hayate, when his official hair color was "white", his characterization was more along the lines of a Chivalrous Pervert, and Maria was still a main character.**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Four:**

**Hayate the "Accidental" Pervert**

It was times like this that Hayate was thankful that Maria did not, contrary to popular belief, actually have eyes on the back of her head. He had enough trouble convincing her that he wasn't a pervert _without_ her catching him ogling her, _thankyouverymuch_. And he did indeed ogle her.

She didn't completely trust him – not yet at least – so she was not likely to give him the benefit of a doubt if she caught him eying her. He had only been working as a butler in the Sanzen'in household for a week, after all, and he had not exactly made the greatest first impressions on her.

Even as patient and understanding as she was, Maria could not help but still be just a little bit leery of the boy who had only days earlier confessed to attempting to kidnap and ransom off her mistress, Nagi. It also did not help that she was still sore over his assuming that she was an "older woman".

So Hayate had to be careful around her, even if she _did_ act fairly friendly for the most part. Admittedly, he probably shouldn't have been ogling her in the first place, but he could not help himself. She was too cute to be real, with her bright smile, demure demeanor, and mature hips – and oh goodness, _especially_ her hips.

Hayate shivered. Maria was probably the prettiest girl he had ever met, and everything about her was first rate, but if there was only one thing about her that really drove him wild, it would have to be her bum. Now, this was not to say that Hayate Ayasaki was such a crass or shallow person as to base base his attraction to someone solely on something like that, but he would be lying if he were to say that he was not an ass man. And the fact the Maria's bum was arguably the finest bum he had ever seen was not exactly irrelevant to his personal classification of her as one of the prettiest girls he had ever met.

In all sincerity, Hayate loved every part of Maria, from her heavenly body to her wonderful personality, but it was just that when it came to turning him on, Maria's ass was the master switch, and none other could match up to it (well... there _was_ a part of him, a very deeply buried part, that felt that his employer, Nagi Sanzen'in of the Sanzen'in family, had an even finer ass than Maria, but he fiercely repressed this – he was NOT a lolicon, dammit, even if Nagi _was_ only three or so years younger than him!)

As it was, everything about Maria's bum and the surrounding real estate – from from her slender waist, to her womanly hips, to her smooth and soft thighs – drove Hayate crazy, and her maid uniform, with its _zettai ryōiki _combination of knee-high socks and a knee-length skirt, along with all the best fetishistic undertones to get him hot and bothered in record time, only exacerbated this. It was a devastatingly super-effective combination of revealing _just_ enough to give him an idea of what lay beneath while also being concealing enough to make him _desperately_ want to see more. It was an exquisite torture, and every time she bent over to pick something up, causing the hem of her skirt to ride up and reveal just a little bit more of her milky white skin... well, it drove him wild.

It was simply sublime, really.

Sure, it caused him no small amount of sexual frustration to look and not touch, but he was content with just this much. He loved everything about Maria – he might even say he was _in love_ with her – but it was just too early to act on it. He barely knew her, and even if he was becoming more infatuated with her with every passing day, he could hardly try to get serious with her so soon.

So he had to settle for watching her, gazing at her beautiful form, and leaving all the things he wanted to do to her for his dreams, for now. It was an ordeal for the young, unfortunate butler, but until such a time came as he could approach her in an intimate relationship, it would suffice.

He made sure it would.

His eyes were glued to the hem of Maria's skirt as she bent over to pick up a feather duster. He watched hungrily as the fabric hiked up higher and higher even as she went lower and lower. He bit his lip, throat dry and heartbeat racing as he caught the briefest, slightest glimpse of clean and soft cotton-white. It was only for a fleeting instant, and there wasn't that much to see – Maria's skirt was hardly immodest – but that momentary glimpse did more for him than any amount of pornography.

It was like the difference between taking a sip of wine and guzzling a bottle of beer. It was an exquisite experience, and it was moments like these made all his earlier troubles seem worthwhile and the indignity of his servitude bearable. After all, if it meant that he could be with this goddess of beauty and serenity, with his lovely Maria, even if only as a coworker, then all his ordeals leading up to it could be counted as worth having been suffered. He was happy with just this, for now, and he contented himself with drinking in the sight of Maria bending over in front of him.

Eventually, after a few more seconds of feeling for the dropped duster, the hem of Maria's skirt shifted downwards once again, the contours of the fabric fleetingly conforming here and there to the shape of a bottom like a pair of shrink-wrapped peaches. Then she was standing upright once again, looking at the feather duster in her hand with a slight hint of annoyance. She sent a half-lidded, humorless glance in Hayate's direction.

"Really, Ayasaki-kun, how careless can you get?" she tutted disapprovingly. "You really shouldn't keep misplacing things like this."

Hayate sweat-dropped as she gave him another short lecture over his leaving things on the floor. He sincerely hoped she never figured out why _exactly_ he did it.

It was unprofessional of him, oh yes, _very_ unprofessional, and she would probably kill him if she ever found out, but at the end of the day Hayate was an ass man, and Maria had the finest ass around. And there was no better way for him to get a good look at it than by watching her bending over in that skirt.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	5. Call Me Ayumu

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: One question that's been nagging me in regards to the whole MA purge is, what, precisely, constitutes "explicit sexual content"? I mean, that might not even matter for some people, but for someone like me, who has frequently toed the line and probably even crossed it once or twice, this is fairly relevant information. Like this chapter, for one, which has some obviously sexual content but no actual sex, and Aika's imagine spot in chapter two where it is obviously describing intercourse, but only in fairly broad, general terms. **

**Well, anyways, happy for Fourth of July! It's Independence Day for us Americans, and I figured I'd celebrate it with something for of my fellow AyuHaya lovers. Hope you enjoy the fireworks~!  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Five:**

**Call Me Ayumu**

"Alright, Ayumu, you can do this." Nishizawa told herself, surreptitiously observing Hayate from behind a corner as he walked down the sidewalk towards her. "I know you can!" she further exhorted herself, fortifying her wavering confidence with go-getter platitudes.

It was getting late into the evening, and Hayate was walking back to his lady's apartment building with a bag of cheap, dubiously nutritious, store-bought lunches (for himself, of course). The street he was walking down was not exactly in one of the best parts of town, but it was not one of the worst either. There weren't very many people out and about in that part of town at that time of day, and half of the storefronts were dark and dusty, various signs reading things like _'BUSINESS SPACE FOR RENT – call this number'_ taped to the insides of the windows, and Hayate often walked down this street as it was straight between the apartment where he lived-slash-worked and one of the best convenience stores in terms of prices. It was peaceful and quiet, and convenient besides, so Hayate made a habit of cutting across it. And it was also for all of the above reasons that Ayumu had chosen it as the stage for phase one of her newest plan to catch Hayate's attention and woo him.

Watching Hayate as he walked close – fighting back a blush as she thought about what she was about to do and discreetly wiping a trickle of drool off her lips as she fantasized about the sort of things he might do to her when all was said and done – Ayumu knew exactly what she had to do. She had already planned this encounter down to the very last detail as part of her latest "Surefire Victory Lovey-Dovey Strategy", after all. It was brilliant in its simplicity, if she did say so herself, and if this didn't work then she didn't know what would.

She clenched a fist resolutely, a cutely determined expression on her face as she steeled herself for what she was about to do.

"You can't back down now!" she told herself, "It's now or never! Do or die! Eat or be eaten! Paper or plastic!"

She nodded, reaffirming what she had just said to herself.

_ 'Now!'_ she thought, as she peeked once more around the corner and saw that he was nearly right on top of her now,_ 'Go out there and hit him with your best shot!'_

Taking just a second to get into character, Ayumu dashed out in front of Hayate, crashing into him. They fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs, and Ayumu was in heaven as she felt her crush's hands brush against her hips and her waist as they fell.

She felt herself twisting around as she dropped to the ground, her skirt shifting up as its hem got caught up on one of the buttons on Hayate's suit and her bottom pressing into his groin as they each landed on something hard – Hayate on the cement surface of the sidewalk and Ayumu on Hayate's... ... ... er, on Hayate.

Nishizawa squeaked, blushing deep red as she felt _that_ press into her, giggling deliriously in her mindscape as she surreptitiously shifted herself so that his tent was pitched snugly between her two cheeks as the white cotton of her underwear rode high.

"Oh my...!" Hayate gasped, his face red as he no doubt noticed how warm and toasty he was feeling down there as a pleasant weight pressed down on him. "N-Nishizawa-san..!"

"Ha-Hayate-kun!-?" Ayumu squeaked, playing the part of the startled and embarrassed female love interest perfectly.

She wriggled her bum strategically here, grinding it into Hayate's crotch as she tilted her head to look sideways up into the blue-haired butler's eyes, unconsciously pressing her cheek against his firm, flat chest – the definition of which she could feel even through through fabric of his uniform. The expression on her face was one of complete innocence, but the thoughts going through her head at the moment were decidedly anything _but._

"Ahh... I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, widening her eyes and making sure to subtly berate herself for her 'clumsiness' even as she drank in the details of his face and pressed even harder against his... ... ... er, against him. "I should have looked where I was going!"

Hayate, his cheeks as red as a tomato, shook his head at this.

"N-no," he said, not wanting to see Nishizawa-san blame herself, "It was my fault!" he declared anxiously, barely noticing the subtle shift of weight on his abdomen as Ayumu leaned her back into him, her head sideways with her face mere inches from Hayate's neck and her eyes half-lidded as she melted into him.

"No..." Ayumu half-whispered-half-moaned, "It was my fault. I saw you coming, but I didn't stop in time..." A shiver shot up her spine from her tailbone to the base of her skull as she felt his... er, felt _him_ twitch.

Hayate scarcely managed to suppress a whimper as he felt himself burning up from Ayumu's touch. It felt so nice, and the world around him was fading away as he melted into her.

He was barely conscious of what he was doing as he wrapped his arms around Nishizawa-san's waist, bowing head to brush his lips against her forehead in a brief, chaste kiss.

"Hayate-kun..." Nishizawa said, unable to restrain a moan as she gloried in his closeness to her and breathed in his wonderfully heady scent. "I love you..." she whispered, rubbing herself against him and leaning in to plant a kiss on his neck, "I really do."

"Nishizawa-san...!" Hayate gasped, averting his gaze from her. "No, I — I don't deserve — I can't — "

"No, Hayate-kun," Ayumu said warmly, "You're wrong – you _do_ deserve this. You _can_ do this. There's nothing stopping you..." she whispered huskily, turning her body sideways in order to face him better. "There's nothing stopping _us..._"

"Nishizawa-san..." Hayate said, his voice sounding oddly choked as tears ran down his cheeks. "I... I love you too... I... I want you, Nishizawa-san. It burns... It aches... I need you, Nishizawa-san...!" he cried, drawing her into a tight embrace.

"Hayate-kun..." Ayumu murmured, eyes teary as she leaned up to plant a kiss on his lips. She lingered longingly, her lips scarcely willing to be parted from his. "Call me Ayumu ❤"

**TTFN and R&R!**


	6. Miki's Gaffe

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: I dunno why it is, but there is something about writing about Miki's supposed crush on Hinagiku that really loosens up my fingers. Also, apparently Miki is secretly a hardcore 'sub' for Hina, if what I wrote in this chapter has any actual bearing on the canonical characterizations and motivations of the HnG cast (and would be**_** really fucking weird **_**if it actually did). **

**Also, also, this chapter (can't really call it a drabble at this length) was originally titled "Miki's Schoolgirl Crush", but with the ending I ended up writing for it, I ultimately decided that "Miki's Gaffe" was more appropriate maybe.**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Six:**

**Miki's Gaffe**

Smooth, soft hair the color of _sakura_ cherry blossoms fell in cascading waves down her back. Silken, rosy strands waved hypnotically with the rhythym of her steps, matching the subtle swaying of her hips as she walked. The red blouse of her school uniform clung tightly to her slender torso, and the smooth, knee-length pink skirt swished side-to-side in time with her confident, seductive swagger.

The crowd of noisily chattering students parted before her, giving her clear passage through the hallway. Not one of them would dare impede this young woman, or indeed defy her in any manner. She had a clear air of authority about her, and her slight form belied a commanding presence. She was fair of face and fierce of will.

This young woman was a natural leader, the sort of person to whom people with lesser force of personality would naturally gravitate. She was a person of nearly incomparable natural skill and fortune, a girl for whom almost no endeavor could be considered truly impossible. Her intelligence was great, her mind as deep as the ocean, and her knowledge vast. She was a brilliant, most talented girl of impeccable character and discipline.

She was Hinagiku Katsura, student council president of Hakuō Academy, who was widely considered the most desirable bachelorette at the highly prestigious school, as well as having been voted "Most Likely to Succeed" in her year. There were few boys at the school who _wouldn't_ give their left arm for a chance with her, and even a few of the girls would have been happy to date the beautiful and brilliant pinkette.

Miki Hanabishi, daughter of a former prime minister and one of the consistently lowest scoring students in her year, was one such girl. The blue-haired A.V. Club president had a _massive_ crush on Hinagiku, but she couldn't possibly bring herself to confess. While it wasn't exactly a _secret_, per se, that Miki considered herself a lesbian (or at least bi), the fact that her admiration for the student council president was actually considerably more than just that was the exact opposite of widely-known.

Nobody, except _maybe_ Risa Asakaze, heiress to a modest local shrine and one of Miki's two best friends, was aware of how the bluenette saw Hinagiku, and the mischievous shrine maiden wasn't about to tell anybody any time soon. Oh no, of course not. She simply had too much fun privately teasing her friend with careful innuendo and subtly pointed remarks to even think of disclosing her embarrassing secret. Even if she _did_ occasionally see fit to blackmail Miki from time to time whenever she started getting bored...

Nonetheless, playful teasing aside, Risa was highly supportive of Miki's affections, and did not hesitate to encourage her to reach for the stars (even if only for the pleasure of watching her friend subsequently crash and burn). And, anyways, Miki gave as good as she got, and she had _a lot_ of material to needle Risa with, especially after the time she found out about that waterproof camera the brunette had secretly installed in the showers of the boys' locker room...

Miki grinned wickedly as she remembered the incriminating footage on her friend's laptop that had originally led her to that discovery. Oh, Risa had been absolutely _mortified_ when she realized she'd been found out, and Miki had greatly relished the expression on the other girl's face. Risa was the sort to be easily flustered, having the sort of playfully mischievous personality that let her roll with life's punches like it was all second nature to her, so Miki naturally delighted in those rare moments where she managed to break through her friend's composure, however briefly.

But, getting back to more pertinent matters, Miki sighed contentedly to herself as she watched her crush strolling proudly through the halls of Hakuō Academy like she owned the joint. If there was one thing about Hinagiku that she adored above all else, it had to be her confident, assertive demeanor that never seemed to waver. There was just something about the way the girl blended the understated femininity of her looks with almost tomboyish mannerisms that made her infinitely more appealing to Miki than anyone else.

More than that, Hinagiku was a domineering individual who would never settle for second place. Miss Hanabishi was a proud lass, who didn't let anyone have an upper hand over her if she could help it. In any other relationship, Miki couldn't even _imagine_ submitting to her hypothetical lover in any way, shape, or fashion. But if it was Hinagiku, then that was okay...

When push came to shove, the pretty pinkette plowed through the competition like it wasn't even there. She had a force of personality that made it clear where she belonged in the social hierarchy, and nobody was fool enough to challenge that. Hinagiku Katsura was a natural born alpha-type, and if Miki had secret masochistic fantasies about being broken in like a piece of chattel by the stundent council president, it was simply a natural extension of her crush on the other girl.

Miki smiled slightly as she was caught up in one of her favorite recurring daydreams of herself in a fully equipped gimp suit while a black leather dominatrix Hinagiku had her wicked and violent way with her. She giggled pervertedly as her fantasy reach a particularly vivid part where Hinagiku made her sensually kiss and lick her feet and call her mistress, causing a number of nearby people who were aware of her somewhat mischievous reputation to shiver nervously and give the girl a slightly wider berth.

Miki didn't notice this, though, lost as she was in scenes of her pink-haired mistress spanking her like an impudent child, if spanking also involved spiked strap-ons and nipple clamps hooked up car batteries (Miki had some _very_ kinky fetishes). Nor did she notice when she rather roughly bumped into Hinagiku, who had hastily doubled back to retrieve a notebook she'd foolishly forgotten in her previous class (in her defense, Hayate Ayasaki was an infuriatingly handsome idiot who had absolutely zero ability to read the atmosphere when it came to a maiden's heart). It was only when her beskirted ass smacked sharply against the cold, hard, hallway floor that she took notice of her situation.

Now, Miki was still partially absorbed in her exceedingly perverse daydreams when she looked up, the border between imagination temporarily blurred in her reeling mind, so when she saw the pinkette standing above her in her school uniform (incidentally getting a borderline indecent eyeful of the tight black spats the other girl wore under her skirt), she was naturally a little dazed and confused.

Thus, stupidly blurting out, "Please punish me gently, mistress!"

The hallway was so quiet at that exclamation that you could have heard a pin drop. Miki's mouth gaped and her eyes widened as she realized what she had just said, utterly mortified. Her face was white, and Hinagiku was looking decidedly flustered and awkward as the students around them started to whisper and snicker.

There was no doubt among the observers present that this little outburst could fuel gossip mills for _weeks_, and they acted accordingly. Soon, the news would sweep through the school, and then _everyone_ would know had happened.

Inwardly, Miki swore.

Great. _Great_. Just — just fucking _great._ With this, she might as well say goodbye to any social life she might have previously had outside her very small circle of BFFs.

"_Effemel_..." she grumbled weakly. All she could hope for this little incident to never reach her parents.

And her odds of winning the lottery were better than that.

_Fuck._

**TTFN and R&R!**


	7. Laundry Day at the Apartment

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: It's bothersome, since I've gotten accustomed to the "Luca" spelling, but I've realized that "Ruka" is most likely the proper spelling. That being because of the dolphin motiff thing she's got going on, and "Ruka" thus most likely being as in "**_**i**_**-ruka", as in dolphin. So yeah.**

**Also, this chapter contains incidental appearances from nearly every character staying at the apartment (as far as I can remember), and for a few like Ruka and Kayura it's my first time writing them in _any_ capacity, so let me know if you think I messed up their characters any. Kayura especially is a bit tricky to pin down, but the way I write her character is as someone who is, well, so out of touch with ordinary society that she might as well be from another planet.  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Seven:**

**Laundry Day at the Apartment**

It was a good day to be alive. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and there were certainly no creepy conspiracies being carried out from the shadows.

Hayate Ayasaki hummed cheerfully to himself as he sorted through the laundry of the apartment building's residents, smiling softly and nodding his head in time with his tune as he sifted through the baskets of unwashed clothes.

Now, usually Maria would be the one doing laundry – she _insisted_ on it, since Hayate was the only guy in an apartment complex full of girls and _apparently _it was "inappropriate" for him to wash the frilly unmentionables of half a dozen different young ladies. But the maid was currently elsewhere on some lengthy errand or other, and so the chore had by default fallen to him. And Hayate had been greatly amused by the reactions of some of the tenants when he had gone to collect their baskets of dirty clothes.

Hinagiku had been very reluctant to bring him her basket, blushing and glowering weakly the whole time. It had taken quite a bit of wheedling from him to get her to fetch him her dirty laundry, but she had ultimately relented. It still took a few minutes to convince her, though, and when she finally brought him the basket she refused to look him in the eyes, instead blushing bright scarlet, averting her gaze, and saying, "Here, take it. It's not like it's... embarrassing... or anything..."

Chiharu, in contrast, had been very agreeable once he had explained the situation to her. She had fetched her basket with all the promptness and poise he had learned to expect from her, nodding politely as she handed it over, and they had exchanged a few meaningless niceties before she let him go with a joking request that he be careful not to do anything _too_ perverted with her underwear. Hayate had laughed, and she had chuckled, and then they had parted ways.

A-tan (_Alice_, Hayate had to remind himself, _not Athena_) had been even quicker to deal with than Chiharu. She hadn't even waited for him to explain matters before dumping her basket of dirty clothes in his hands, though she also didn't take the time to say anything before shutting the door in his face and causing him to sweatdrop. That girl could be very unpredictable at times.

Kayura... well, she was an odd one. Nothing against her or anything, but at times the girl could be a little out there. For instance, when Hayate had told her that he was the one doing laundry this time, she had grabbed her basket, gave it to him, and_ then _proceeded to literally give him the clothes off of her back, leaving her in just her skivvies. The girl had not acted even the least bit self conscious when she had then told him to be careful with her clothes because most of them were irreplaceable souvenirs from various conventions manga conventions across Japan.

Ruka had been another of the funny ones, going nearly catatonic when he had informed her that he was there for her dirty clothes. Her face had gone bright red, and she had squeaked and sort of gone all stiff like a mannequin, stuttering badly and sweating like a pig. Hayate had eventually managed to coax Ruka back into responsiveness, but she was still very bashful when she finally brought him her clothes, blushing brightly and mumbling something under her breath. Although, unlike Hinagiku who had refused to meet his eyes, Ruka had seemed incapable of looking away...

Maria's basket had been left just inside the door to her room for him to pick up, along with a short note firmly telling him not to do anything creepy or inappropriate with the girls' clothes. Hayate had been a little depressed by this, wondering if he really came across that badly, but then he'd noticed another note addressed to him near the first one, sitting atop a small blue _bento_ box. That one had contained Maria's thanks to him for taking care of her share of the chores in her place while she was out, and on the bottom of the page was a heartwarming doodle of a chibi Maria tightly hugging a similarly chibi Hayate while a cartoon heart hovered over their heads.

Hayate had smiled and put that one in his pocket to save.

When he had gotten to Nagi's room there was nobody there, and there wasn't a basket in site, so Hayate had walked in and started picking up the dirty clothes he could see. He had soon run into a starkers Nagi standing on top of a wet towel in her bedroom and blow-drying her hair in front of a small mirror. Her back was to him, and while a small, very deeply buried part of him was ecstatic with the excellent view of his mistress's soft, round, alabaster bottom, the rest of him didn't want to get in trouble, so he decided to sneak out while he still could. By some miracle, he actually managed to get away from that situation unscathed, so he decided to move on to the next room rather than staying and pressing his luck.

In comparison with that harrowing adventure, picking up Nishizawa's basket was quite banal. She had greeted him exuberantly, making lots of pleasant small talk and acting generally normal and flirtatious, but when he told her why he was there her demeanor quickly changed. She had quickly become very nervous and jittery, practically tripping over her own feet and babbling a mile a minute as she went back into her apartment to fetch her dirty laundry, nearly falling on top of him and spilling her clothes everywhere when she had come back out. She had been very apologetic, and her eyes were wide and her face red as she anxiously bid him a good day.

Lastly had been Isumi, and she had been waiting outside the door to her room on the upper floor with her basket in hand, giving it to him with a polite nod and a "Hayate-sama". Then she, once she had given him her basket, she had stood there and stared at him, looking straight into his eyes. And when he had asked her what she was doing, she simply responded by saying, "... I hope Hayate-sama doesn't do anything weird with my clothing..." which had caused Hayate to droop and sigh wearily.

Still, by the time he brought the last of the baskets of dirty clothes to the room with the washing machine, the indentured butler was once more in a good mood. After all, it was _far_ too nice of a day to waste it moping around and feeling sorry for himself. So he hummed cheerfully to himself as he sorted through the clothes, occasionally pausing to whistle part of the nonsense tune before returning to humming.

As Hayate was stuffing whites into the washing machine, he heard someone drop what sounded like a full basket of clothes on the floor. Turning around, he saw his mistress, Nagi, standing over a basket of her laundry.

"Ah! Thank you, milady," he said genuinely, smiling at her as she nudged the basket forward with the tip of her foot.

Stormy blue eyes met his own, and Hayate felt himself sweatdrop nervously.

"... mi...milady...?"

Nagi huffed, looking away from Hayate, her face red. Scowling, she scratched her cheek and said, "Next time, all you have to do is ask... dummy..."

Her demeanor seemed to shift somewhat as Hayate grew nervous, and then she turned her head back towards him and met his eyes almost... _shyly?_

"I-if you want to see..." she mumbled bashfully, fiddling awkwardly with her fingers, "all you have to do is ask..."

Hayate started sweating bullets as anxiety overtook him. He was stiff as a board and unable to look away as he saw his employer reach for the clasp on her shorts, slowly undoing it and dropping them along with her panties. Blood trickled from his nose as he found himself stared at Nagi's privates, causing the young blonde to blush even more deeply and nervously shuffle her feet.

"... Go ahead..." she mumbled shyly, pushing her hips slightly forward, "I... I don't mind...as long as it's you, it's alright..."

The force of the ensuing nosebleed propelled Hayate all the way through the wall and across the street.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	8. Fumi's Feast Fund Festivity

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: I love Fumi. I really do (in a **_**totally**_** nonsexual way, **_**of course**_**). She is the**_** funniest **_**character. Any chapter of the manga with her in it is automatically five times better, in my humble opinion. In terms of my favorite characters, pretty much only Nishizawa can come close to matching Fumi. Now if only she wasn't so superfluous to the plot...**

**Also, in this drabble Sharna seems to have a very British sense of humor (meaning dark and dry with a ninety percent chance of understatement).**

**Anyways, the funniest thing about this particular drabble, I'd say, is the fact that I was listening to Orochimaru's theme (from the **_**Naruto**_** OST) on loop while writing (part of) it. But only barely.**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Eight:**

**Fumi's Feast Fund Festivity**

Fumi Hibino smiled as she sat down to eat with her best friend, Sharna Alamgir. It was lunch hour at Hakuō Academy, and she was _famished._

Her stomach audibly growling, Fumi swung open her lunchbox. Orange eyes glimmered with anticipation as the girl prepared to feast on her delicious, nutritious lunch, only to widen when she saw the box was empty, save for a small post-it note.

Bemused and befuddled, she picked up the piece of paper and read it.

_'Dear Fumi,_

_ I forgot to pack your lunch._

_ Love,_

_ Mom __❤'_

Fumi gasped in horror, mouth gaping wide in a silent cry as blank white eyes stared uncomprehendingly at the message on the lemon-yellow slip of paper. The rumblings of her empty stomach grew louder, and her heart plummeted into the pit of her abdomen.

Her head spinning and her vision swimming, Fumi swooned, just barely catching herself before she overbalanced and fell backwards out of her seat. She made a choked sort of squeaking sound, her voice half-strangled as she forced herself to remember how to breathe.

Slowly, mechanically, Fumi raised her head to look her friend in the eye, her neck creaking like an un-oiled hinge. Tears were glistening in the corners of her eyes as she pointed silently, her mouth hanging open uselessly, at the nonexistant contents of her lunchbox.

Sharna, ever the foil to Fumi's antics, took one look at her friend's empty lunchbox and blithely stated, "Oh. Well, that's too bad."

This apparently fixed Fumi's vocal cords, as the girl immediately wailed, "It's _horrible!_"

Tears streaming comically down her face, the orangette latched onto her friend like a limpet.

"_I'm so hungry_..." she moaned miserably, hanging from an unperturbed Sharna's neck. "I need food!"

Disinterestedly prying her friend off of her, Sharna simply set Fumi back down in her seat and told her, "You could always buy a lunch from the cafeteria, you know."

At those words, Fumi fell from her seat, swooning as though she had been pierced through the heart with a poisoned arrow.

"A...ah..." she said weakly, face pale as she lay on prone on the lunchroom floor. "H-how like you, my friend...you hit my weak-point perfectly..." she said shakily, pulling herself back up by the edge of the table.

Blandly, Sharna said, "Oh, I see. You don't have any money."

Fumi gave a strangled yelp and fell right back to the ground.

"H...how ruthless...as to be expected of my rival..." Fumi whispered faintly.

"So I'm you're rival now, am I..." Sharna mused to herself, taking a can of juice out of her own lunchbox and opening it with a pop and a fizz.

Instantly getting right back onto her feet, Fumi kneeled before Sharna, eyes shut and tears of joy running down her face, and clasped her hands, saying, "Oh, thank you thank you _thank you!_"

Then she opened her eyes and saw Sharna staring at her blankly, the empty can of juice lying on its side.

"EHHHHH?-!" she wailed hysterically, utterly shocked and horrified by this turn of events, "HOW COULD YOU!-?"

"I was thirsty," said Sharna. "What's it matter to you?"

"Waaah!" Fumi cried theatrically. "I thought you were gonna share your lunch with me!"

"No way. Why would I do something as stupid as that?" Sharna asked rhetorically, looking at Fumi like she was an idiot.

"'Cause we're friends!"

Sharna simply turned her attention back to her lunch, digging into her curry and rice. "If you're going to mooch off of someone, you might as well go all the way," she said.

"Um... All the way...?" Fumi said questioningly.

"Selling your body in exchange for lunch money, of course," Sharna explained blithely.

"No way!" Fumi exclaimed in horror, "I _need_ my body! It's where I live!"

"I don't mean literally," Sharna said, "Though my uncle _is_ conducting a few medical experiments that he needs guinea pigs for, if you're into that sort of thing... But, no, what I meant was becoming a high school escort, or at least seducing an upperclassman into giving you some spare change.

Fumi blinked. "Oh, is that all?" she said. "No problem! I know just the guy!"

* * *

Hayate Ayasaki blinked, staring at Fumi Hibino in obvious bewilderment.

"Er..." the butler said slowly, awkwardly moving to pat the orangette on the shoulder in what he hoped was received as a comforting gesture. "I wish I could help you," he told her, "but I don't have any money, either..."

Fumi looked like she was about ready to burst into tears at that news, so he hastily added, "...but you can have the rest of my lunch!"

Fumi squealed happily at this, her stomach growling loudly in anticipation as she held out her hands. A look of absolute gratitude and adoration was on the underclassman's face as she gazed up at Hayate like he was her new god, causing the butler to sweatdrop and sheepishly scratch the back of his neck.

"Here," he said, taking out a small, opened bag of rice crackers and a reusable water bottle, "I wasn't very hungry today, so there's a lot left."

Fumi blinked, her smile dropping slightly as she stared at the proffered items. Gingerly taking them, she looked inside the back of rice crackers and saw that it was indeed still mostly full, and a quick swish-check confirmed the same for water bottle.

"Is... is this... _all_ of it...?" she asked him uncertainly, looking warily around the cafeteria as though expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the crowds of students with a camera crew in tow.

"Yeah," Hayate said sheepishly, "I really splurged today and got way more than I needed. I'll probably have to skip lunch for a week or two just to balance my budget... but I'm sure you need it more than I do❤"

Fumi was silent, staring guiltily between Hayate and the bag of rice crackers.

"Umm..." she murmured awkwardly. "So... do I pay you now, or later...?"

Hayate laughed warmly, waving a hand dismissively.

"Oh, no, I couldn't _possibly_ take your money," said the perpetually impoverished manservant, as always acting too damn noble for his own good.

Fumi blinked. "Oh," she said, pleasantly surprised. "Okay, then."

Humming cheerfully, she started merrily skipping back to her spot by a deathly glare from Sharna. Well... okay, so maybe it wasn't so much a glare, and maybe Sharna wasn't even actually looking at her, but Fumi knew in her heart what the other girl must have been thinking.

"You're right!" she exclaimed, seemingly out of the blue to those who couldn't follow her internal monologue (i.e., _everyone_). With that, she turned around and marched right back to Hayate, who was sitting peacefully by himself at his table in the corner.

Slamming her hands on the table, Fumi looked Hayate right in the eye.

"I insist on repaying you!" she declared, her face looking remarkably like an emoticon.

"Ah..." Hayate sweatdropped. "I already said you don't have to pay me back..." he said slightly nervously.

"I didn't mean with money!" the excitable girl shouted, causing Hayate to feel even more nervous.

"Er... But, then, what — ?" he started to say, only to be silenced by a pair of soft, warm lips inexpertly mashing up against his own.

He moaned in surprise, the sound muffled by the junior's lips. He was unable to stay upright as Fumi dragged him under the lunch table, lips still locked with his. He could not muster up any sort of resistance as she fumbled with the zipper of his trousers for a second before undoing it and taking his youthful manhood in hand. And when Fumi pulled out of the kiss, only to aim much lower and go right back down, he soon found that he did not _want_ to resist.

* * *

As the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period, Fumi emerged from under the table, licking her lips happily and practically skipping out the door as she caught up with her friend.

"You were right, Sharna!" she declared excitedly. "It totally worked!"

Sharna blinked, staring blankly at Fumi.

"What — ? I was _joking._"

Fumi blinked, staring blankly at Sharna.

"...Wait... does that mean I _haven't_ become sempai's wife, then...?"

Sharna rolled her eyes. "Not unless there was a certified justice of the peace under there with you."

Fumi frowned. "...does sempai count?"

"If he's actually licensed, then sure, why not?" Sharna said dismissively.

Fumi clapped her hands and smiled gleefully, eyes tearing up. "Yay!" she cheered, "I'm the new Mrs Ayasaki!"

Everywhere, the numerous, _numerous_ girls vying for Hayate Ayasaki's affections suddenly sneezed and felt the overwhelming, inexplicable urge to violently and brutally _murder_ something.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	9. Meta Humor Hell

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: This chapter... went to a really weird place. **

**I will confess that it was largely a result of the fact that I've recently resumed working on ONNHc, since my shifted schedule has currently given me more free writing time than I've had in **_**months**_**, but it sorta got away from me in the most **_**bizarre**_** way**_**.**_**..**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Nine:**

**Meta Humor Hell**

In a possibly familiar alternate universe, where this and that happened, among some other things, and as a result Nagi ended up never losing her inheritance, the chronically unfortunate butler Hayate Aayasaki was consulting with a nondescript, recently hired "bodyguard" going by the pseudonym of Nezumimaru Mizune, a.k.a. Dire Rat, former world class assassin.

"Eh?" said the thirty-something former hitman, staring at Hayate perplexedly over the top of that day's newspaper. "You want to learn how to be cool?"

"Yes!" Hayate said determinedly, clenching his fists in front of him. "I need to learn how to become cool and popular!"

Nezumimaru blinked. "Um... _why?_" he asked, looking completely lost.

Hayate froze up, turning red. Averting his gaze and nervously scratching his tomato-red cheek, he mumbled, "W-well, you see... I... I just realized, recently... I realized that I, y-you know... that I know a lot of really pretty girls, and, well... ... ..."

Nezumimaru sighed and pinched his temples.

"No, no, I didn't mean like _that_..." he grumbled, "I meant... why _me?_"

Hayate blinked.

"Eh?" he said, confused. "But isn't it obvious?"

"No," said the older man irritably, "it isn't. Not in the slightest."

"Well, you used to be an assassin, right?" said Hayate.

"Yeah..." said the perplexed 'bodyguard', not seeing where this was going. "But I don't see where you're going with this," he said redundantly.

"Well, everyone _knows_ that assassins are really cool!" Hayate explained fervently, gesturing wildly. "Like in Ass*ssin's Cr**d or... well, the writer can't actually think of any other good examples... but I'm sure there are plenty!"

Oy, oy, don't go breaking the fourth wall just to point out my lackluster popculture knowledge. And did you really need to censor your speech like that? I'm pretty sure we haven't done that in _any_ of the other writing we've done for this series.

[Narrio Wakamator: "_Now_ who's breaking the fourth wall?"]

_Narrio Wakamator?_ What the hell! I haven't used you since before last Christmas! Why aren't you in your box?

[Narrio Wakamator: "I got lonely."]

"Fucking hell," Nezumimaru grumbled. "A little less stream of consciousness, if you wouldn't mind. Incoherent meta-humor makes me wanna shoot fools in the head."

Oh, for the love of... Not you _too_.

"Hey, _you're_ the one writing this shit."

No, seriously, can we _please_ get back to the main story of this?

"Sure," said Hayate. "The routine was getting old, anyways."

"I dunno," Dire Rat said, "It's kinda starting to grow on me and — _oy!_ The hell? Why's it say _Dire Rat_, there? I thought we were using that pseudonym, now!

'Nezumimaru' is annoying to type.

[Narrio Wakamator: "Dire Rat isn't much better, though."]

Ah, fuck it. I'll just post this shit as is. Who knows? Maybe some people will actually find it funny.

"Is that really the best idea, though?" Hayate wondered, an arm wrapped around both Hinagiku and Ayumu each, both of them dressed in _very_ revealing swimsuits. "I mean, the whole point of this _Ecchi Gaiden_ is, well _ecchiness,_ and — "

He blinked, looking first to his right, and then to his left, realing that Ayumu and Hinagiku had at appeared at some point and were now lewdly grinding their sweaty, scantily clad bodies against him.

" — oh," Hayate finished. "Well, I guess that will do... But where's milady?" he asked. Then he squeaked and looked down.

"... _ohhh_," he said-slash-moaned, seeing Nagi's blonde twin-tails bobbing up and down as she bobbed her head, _nudge nudge wink wink_.

Dire Rat — "GLARE" — fine, _Nezumimaru_, scowled.

"I don't know," he said. "That seems a bit gratuitous. And pointless. And what if this whole 'promotional' thing falls through anyways, since God only knows you're far from the most dedicated person?"

_Fuck you_, that's what. You wanna be written out of the script completely?

"Yes, actually. That would be wonderful. I think I've long overstayed my welcome in the story, and — "

_Too bad._ Just for that, you're getting an increased role in the story!

"That is backwards as _fuck_."

Lalala, I can't hear you, too busy _writing~_

"Seriously, though," Hayate interjected, "aren't you kind of preoccupied with _Remember the Name_?"

Eh, RtN and ONNHc cover completely different genres.

"... they're both humor fics," Hayate pointed out weakly.

[Narrio Wakamator: *holds up sign reading "will narrate for food"*]

How the... you're _just a text box_.

[Narrio Wakamator: "A _narrative_ text box, thank you very much. And one that's voiced by _Norio Wakamoto_, at that!"]

Only in the anime. Which I basically never watch.

"Oh?" said Hayate. "You really should. It's excellently done, and did you know they're making a third season?"

You're just saying that because you're the main character. You _need_ people to watch it if you want to get paid.

"Hey, I can't help it if my parents dropped such a massive debt on me!"

You're a _financial black hole._ Even if they _hadn't _dropped that debt on you, you still would have wound up in debt by yourself.

"... I can't help that I have bad luck!" Hayate argued. "I'm like the Charlie Brown of manga!"

Except with a harem. And fanservice scenes.

"_Clearly_, you have never read a _Peanuts_ fanfic," said Nezumimaru.

... is that even a thing?

"I don't know," said Hayate, "I mean, the original series has a lot of hints if you just look beneath the surface..."

Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. I'm cutting this off before it gets any weirder.

"Hey!" Hayate shouted, "You can't jus

**TTFN and R&R!**


	10. Shiori's Sensual Sempai

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: Here's some straight up yuri smut for you guys. ;) No real plot, just Yukiji molesting Makimura. Seriously, aside from the intro paragraphs this is pretty much all just limey smut and dirty talk and drunken lesbian hate-sex.**

**Why yes, I _am_ a massive pervert~  
**

**(also alliterative title FTW)  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Ten:**

**Shiori's Sensual Sempai**

Shiori Makimura was a relatively new teacher at Hakuō Academy. She taught science there as a recognized specialist in engineering, robotics, and computer programming. She had once been a roboticist working on the cutting edge of unstable kill-bots ostensibly meant for things like housekeeping or babysitting, but she had been forced to leave the field when support for her death machines, both financial and otherwise, completely dried up and her supervisor fired her.

It had been one of the worst things to ever happen to the woman who had devoted her young life to designing hilariously destructive robots, but the change had nonetheless done her some good. She had been forced to step back and reevaluate her life, and thus decided that it was time for a new career. And so she had applied at Hakuō Academy despite not having any formal training as an educator or instructor.

They had accepted her, and she was happy with her new job. She got along famously with her students, who found her to be highly approachable and non-threatening. She loved imparting her students with her love of science and passing on her knowledge and experience.

Furthermore, there was her sempai, Yukiji Katsura, whom she looked up to and admired. True, the more experienced woman could a bit brusque and even painfully blunt at times, but Makimura admired her for it. She saw the verdette's devil-may-care approach to teaching, and wished that she could be more like her.

So, naturally, she eventually wound up developing a slight crush on the older woman...

* * *

Shiori Makimura moaned as her lover teasingly planted kisses along her neck. She writhed in scarcely restrained ecstasy as fingers combed through the long blonde locks that framed her cute face.

Her cheeks were red as she panted under her lover's expert ministrations. Her glasses were askew on her nose, and her lab coat was hanging loosely off her shoulders, her shirt unbuttoned to expose her modest breasts, which were heaving with her every breath.

"Yukiji-sempai... don't stop..." she moaned longingly as the soft hands of the more experienced teacher kneaded her breasts. "_Ah~n _❤"

"Heheheh, how _indecent_, Shiori-kun..." Yukiji whispered huskily, her perverted chuckle hanging in the air. "You act so sweet and innocent, but you really wanted this, didn't you...? _Heheheh_."

"Oooohhh, sempai..." Makimura murmured as Yukiji tweaked and stroked her erect nipples. "Please... harder..."

She then yelped when Yukiji leaned forward and nipped her neck, biting down firmly and suckling there like a vampire. Makimura panted heavily, writhing beneath her mentor and lover as the older woman gave her a hickey.

"What a lewd expression you have on that face of yours...❤" Yukiji purred lowly into Shiori's ear after nibbling on the blonde's neck for a little longer, "...so cute... I could just gobble you up..."

Makimura gasped as the verdette then ducked her head down to suckle on her breasts, rubbing and kneading as she slurped greedily at her kōhai's teat.

"Ahh... sempai!" Shiori groaned loudly, squirming wildly. "Ohhhh... I... I... I'm... _AHHHN!_"she howled, throwing her head back and gasping in pleasure as Yukiji passionately assaulted her bosom.

"Mmmm..." Yukiji hummed through a mouthful of Makimura's modest mammaries as she eyed her victim-slash-lover's O-face. "That's a good look for you," she somehow managed to articulate.

Makimura moaned weakly, feeling slightly drained as her sempai continued both orally and manually molesting her breasts.

"You know..." Yukiji mumbled as she nibbled Shiori's nipples and sensually massaged her chest, "Your tits really piss me off, Makimura..." she growled huskily. "So big and round and soft... I can't stand it," she said as her hands wandered downwards, trailing down down the science teacher's waist and reaching around behind her.

"And that ass..." she rumbled, cupping the other woman's cheeks, "It's so firm and tight and shapely... it makes me look like crap."

She then leaned forward, moving up until she was eye to eye with the blonde. Her cheeks were dusted red and her eyes were narrowed and glassy.

"And those goddamn lips..." she continued drunkenly, roughly mashing her mouth against them. "So full and red and kissable... Fucking hell..." she slurred, whiskey on her breath as she pulled back from the sloppy kiss. "I hate every last inch of that stupid, sexy body of yours... Fuck your perfect tits, and your tight ass, and your gorgeous lips..._ Fuck every last inch of you._"

And so she did.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	11. Chiharu's Happy Ending

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: Chiharu and Hayate have an interesting dynamic that's fairly amusing to write. I'm not quite sure how to pin it down, exactly, but I suppose you could say that they're basically just friends with no real sort of romantic tension between them, though not necessarily because they don't find each other attractive. And that's a very rare thing to find with Hayate, since at a conservative estimate at least _half_ the cast has _some_ sort of thing for him. Even _Aika_, surprisingly. **

**But I guess it really helps that Chiharu is just so casually collected. She's hardly ever uncomfortable in a situation, and she's ever-so-slightly more down to earth than the other, more eccentric members of the cast, even Nishizawa, who has been called "very normal". **

**Also, I dunno where the tangent with Chiharu having a bra that's just a little bit too small for her came from, since as a guy I have basically zero firsthand experience with the subject, and what little I _do _know is largely anecdotal in origin. Though I suppose it might come partly from my experiences with pants and shoes, of which can be a right pain to find any in the right size if you aren't lucky enough to have the elusive "normal" body type. I myself am a stocky fellow, being maybe an inch or two shorter than both my younger brothers, and my feet are also a bit oddly shaped, such that sometimes even shoes that are labled "wide" aren't _actually_ quite wide enough for me. **

**I think that's something that has annoyed most of us at one point or another, especially during teenaged years when everyone's bodies are at different stages of development and some things are growing faster than others giving everybody sort of awkward proportions where they aren't all kid-shaped, but they also aren't all adult-shaped, if you understand me. So I figure that Chiharu's predicament there is something we can all relate to, even us guys, who (save for the occasional statistical outlier) don't have any experience with bras, specifically. **

**That, and it gave me a decent excuse to write a paragraph on the size of Chiharu's tits. XD**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Eleven:**

**Chiharu's Happy Ending**

Chiharu Harukaze sighed contentedly as she felt Hayate kneading warm, coconut-scented massage oil into the bare skin of her back and shoulders. She was all but naked, lying face down on the table with only a small, heated towel loosely draped across her bottom at Hayate's behest to preserve her modesty.

Chiharu, with her chin rested on a pillow and her breasts pressed against the tabletop, smiled as she recalled how the handsome butler currently rubbing her back had reacted when she had oh-so-casually dropped trou' right in front him almost _immediately_ after inviting him into her apartment in the rustic building where they all lived. To her dying day, she would forever remember the look on Hayate's face when he saw her... well... _everything._ There was really no better way to put it than that.

...But I digress. Perhaps it would be best to first slow down and backtrack a little bit, take a look at how this all began.

Now, our story began, as many such tales do, with a handsome young feller comin' a-callin' at the doorstep of a pretty young lass one fine summer day. To be more specific an' set it all up right good and proper, the _who_ was Hayate Ayasaki and Chiharu Harukaze, the _what_ was a regular massage appointment she had with him, the _when _was two o'clock sharp on a Sunday noon, and the _where _was her apartment in the building.

And as for the _why_? Well, Chiharu was of the mind that Hayate gave the best damn massages, period, and Hayate was simply happy to rub her down, helpful and friendly as he was – the fact that Chiharu was a particularly generous tipper was just a bonus, as far as he was concerned. And they'd been doing this for a while, now – nearly as long as Chiharu had been living in that apartment complex, in fact.

That day, just like every other time, Hayate arrived outside the door to Chiharu's apartment at 2:00 p.m., sharp, just like he had done once a week, every week, for the past month and a half. After a few minutes of waiting, he was been joined by Chiharu, who was just returning from a meeting with her dōjin circle.

"Good afternoon, Chiharu-san," said Hayate pleasantly, absentmindedly noting the slight sheen of sweat on her skin. She was dressed in a sleeveless T-shirt and capris pants, a book bag slung casually over her shoulder. "It's good to see you looking well."

Pushing her glasses back up on her nose, Chiharu replied with a curt but warm, "And you likewise, Ayasaki-kun."

Then, turning her attention to her apartment door, Chiharu slipped a key out of her pocket and unlocked it, sliding the old fashioned door open and gesturing for Hayate to head inside.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go on ahead inside," she told him. "I'll be after you in a minute."

"Ah, thank you," Hayate said politely, "but I wouldn't want to intrude. I'll go in after you."

"Nonsense," replied Chiharu. "You're the butler, Ayasaki-kun, and a friend besides. You're welcome in my apartment at any time."

"Ah, but you're too kind, Chiharu-san," Hayate said cordially, smiling in genuine enjoyment of their friendly back-and-forth.

He and Chiharu got along fairly well, with her being fairly polite and patient so that she never got particularly upset with him over any of his frequent _faux pas_. And so they continued in this manner for a couple more rounds before Hayate finally conceded and headed in before Chiharu, smiling cheerfully all the while.

As for Chiharu herself, the girl had a soft smirk on her face as she watched Hayate walk into her apartment. While she didn't particularly have any romantic interests in her classmate, that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate the fact that he would make a very fine boyfriend, or that he had an ass that didn't quit.

Indeed, Chiharu was not averse to the idea of a fling with the boy, and she had more than once, while having her various aches and pains all but lovingly fucked away by Hayate's masterful fingers, entertained the notion of inviting the boy to give her a _real_ all-over massage. At the very least, it would probably get an amusing reaction out of the otherwise seemingly unflappable lad.

…as a matter of fact…that gave her a particularly _wicked_ idea….

Smirking devilishly, Chiharu subtly undid the button of her pants. Then she deftly reached a hand down the back of her shirt and undid the clasp of her bra, sighing a bit in relief at the relatively greater freedom her breasts now had. It was troublesome, but her bust was at an awkward stage of growth where it was sort of between sizes, being just _marginally_ too big for the size of bra she owned. She was actually a bit annoyed that she was still growing in that area, as it meant she had to replace all her old bras every few months when they got too tight for comfort. Which was a bit inconvenient for her, since now that she had rent to pay she didn't have very much money to spare on her wardrobe (some girls might have considered such a thought sacrilege, but Chiharu had other interests, and they ate through her paychecks faster than crack), so she took the path of frugal discomfort. She _had_, of course, considered simply going commando, once or twice, but ultimately she'd decided that a bit of slight constriction was preferable to stretch marks or sagging.

Now, with that done and out of the way, Chiharu strode into her room. Closing the door behind her, she walked over to a low-lying table and set her bookbag down beside it. Rifling through it, she pulled out plastic bottle, which she threw over to Hayate, knowing he would catch it.

"Let's try using that, this time," she said, arching her back as she stretched her arms, the hem of her T-shirt lifting slightly to bare a bit of her midriff.

Hayate, examining the bottle in his hand, continued smiling as he read the label.

"Coconut, huh?" he said, uncapping the bottle and giving its contents a sample whiff. "...How exotic."

"Indeed," said Chiharu casually as she made a show of moving to unzip her pants.

Hayate noticed this, of course.

"Ah, I suppose you'll want me to leave the room while you get ready, then," he said plainly, turning to head for the door.

"There's no need," Chiharu told him, "You're a professional after all, and you've already seen most of what I have, during our previous sessions."

"But _most_ isn't _everything_," Hayate pointed out brightly, before more nervously adding, "...and I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable..."

Chiharu, in response to this, unceremoniously cast off her shirt and bra in a single motion, her modest bust jiggling lightly now that it was fully freed of confinement. The skin of her round, delectable goodies was silky and fair, nearly alabaster in hue, and exposed skin gleamed with a thin sheen of sweat from the hot summer sun. Furthermore, her abdomen was smooth and slender, and Hayate's eyes were transfixed as they followed the trail of a single bead of sweat as it slowly slid down her nearly flat belly all the way to the hem of her capris pants, where it vanished past the undone button.

His face was red as he saw Chiharu teasingly hook her fingers under her pants, and he could not bring himself to look away even as she dropped her pants and slid her panties down to just above her knees. As a result, he got a considerable eyeful of her most intimate region in the tellingly long number of seconds before he tore his gaze away, red-faced and contrite.

_Yes_, Chiharu thought as the butler worked her knots away with almost loving care, _Hayate really is cute when he's flustered... Thanks for the tip, Maria-san..._

She had been highly amused by how flustered the bluenette had been when she had initially disrobed, his face beet red as he'd stammered and tried to tear his eyes away from the view she had given him. Perhaps it had been a bit cruel of her to do something like that when she had no intentions of a serious relationship with Hayate, but he really needed to get over those intimacy and commitment issues of his, and that low self-esteem of his also needed fixing... Honestly, she was doing all those other girls a favor, getting Hayate accustomed to the concept of being _with _someone.

The fact that it had also cheered her up a fair amount to hear him get laid out by her body's modest knock-out power was just a bonus. Because while Chiharu was secure enough in her body image to undress so casually in full view of a boy her age (and trusted Hayate not to do anything she didn't give him a signed and framed invitation to), it really was a confidence booster to have a tangible confirmation of her attractiveness. She was hardly a vain person, but you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who _didn't_ like the idea of being considered beautiful or sexy.

And Hayate was the best subject for her to test her looks, too, since she trusted enough in Hayate's sense of slightly misplaced chivalry to not worry about him trying to take advantage of her. Which was, incidentally, also why she let him massage her like he was.

Chiharu groaned as she felt her classmate slowly and carefully working away the stiff, sore muscles in her neck and shoulders. It felt simply _marvelous_. Ayasaki's hands were strong and forceful as they beat away the biggest and hardest knots, but they were also gentle where they had to be, kneading her back almost _lovingly._

Hayate had the magic touch, Chiharu had to admit. While it was perhaps a bit improprietary of her, considering how many others had laid prior claim to him, she could not help but feel more than a little aroused as the handsome young butler worked his way down her back. In hindsight, it was probably not the best idea to do something so intimate with the man who already had so many different admirers all vying for his attention and affection, but Miss Harukaze found that she could not care less about that as Ayasaki-kun started doing her behind with the heels of his palms, rubbing the stiff gluteal muscles through the towel as best he could.

Chiharu moaned, her cheeks flushed as a electrical shiver ran up her spine.

"You're good at this, Ayasaki-kun..." she groaned, "Very good indeed..."

"Ah, thank you, Chiharu-san~" she heard Hayate chirp, a smile obvious in the inflection of his voice. "I'm glad you like it ❤"

Chiharu sweatdropped slightly at the tone of Hayate's words.

"Ayaya..." she muttered playfully as she continued to melt into Hayate's hands. "It sounds like you're enjoying yourself a little too much back there, _Ayasaki-kun~_"she teased, wriggling her bottom for effect as she said this.

Naturally, this movement, combined with Hayate's diligent ministrations, caused the towel covering her rump to slide off the side of the table and land in heap on the floor next to her clothes.

Chiharu blushed brightly, chin resting on a pillow, as she felt Hayate's fingers suddenly and sharply squeeze her now-bare buttocks together, as though closing something.

"Ahh..." she said somewhat sheepishly as she heard Hayate splutter and cough, "I hope I didn't give you too much of a show, just then..."

Hayate didn't answer, too busy being incoherent. Chiharu sweatdropped again.

"Ah, geez..." she murmured, feeling his rigid, frozen hands continuing to force her buttocks together. "I understand if you're a bit mortified, Ayasaki-kun, but would you mind not manhandling me too much? My butt's kinda sensitive from the massage..."

She paused, thoughtful.

"How much did you see, anyways...?" she asked him curiously.

"_Everything_," Hayate squeaked miserably.

"A..ha...haha..." Chiharu laughed weakly, before mumbling. "...don't say it like that, Ayasaki-kun... You should at least sound a _little_ happy about getting such a major eyeful of a pretty girl~" she added in a teasing tone as she attempted to cheer him up. "You're usually so blasé about that sort of thing, according to Hinagiku-san..."

Hayate choked. "Ah... But... I... You...!" he stammered uselessly.

Chiharu sighed.

"I hope I didn't break you..." she muttered before flipping herself over and sitting straight up on the table, putting her bare bosom at eye-level with Hayate and freezing the indentured butler with a full-frontal assault.

Then, seeing him locked up and stiff, Chiharu shook her head and leaned forward, planting a warm kiss on Hayate's lips.

"Don't act so horrified," Chiharu softly reprimanded as she casually pulled back from the liplock. "Or do you want to ruin my body image?"

"Ah..." Hayate stuttered, "I...I'm sorry...I...didn't...I mean...I mean... You...you're..."

"Oh, shut up," Chiharu told him, rolling her eyes behind her glasses. Taking hold of one of his hands, she lifted it up and placed it on one of her breasts.

A light trickle of blood leaked down from Hayate's nose as he involuntarily squeezed the globe of flesh that seemed like it had been shaped and sized specifically with his hand in mind.

"I think it's time for you to do my front, now," Chiharu added calmly, laying her back on the table and pulling Hayate down on top of her. "Be thorough, and don't be afraid of going deep," she instructed him casually even as she reached up to start unbuttoning his shirt.

"Awa...wha-what are you doing...?" Hayate asked her as she slipped his over shirt off of his leanly muscled frame.

"You got to see mine, so it's only fair that I get to see yours in return..." Chiharu answered bluntly. "...And maybe when you're done, _I'll _be the one giving you a _massage_. After all..." she finished suggestively, nearly purring into his ear as she tenderly caressed his chest, "..._all's fair in love and war._"

**TTFN and R&R!**

* * *

**A/N: A short endnote for all of you interested in doing an HnG RP – there was a new forum, _Hayate RP!_, started by one bluemagesfairytail a week ago for that purpose. Right now it's just in the stage of auditioning for various characters, but who knows where it'll go? Haha, I myself have auditioned for Hayate, and Hinagiku and Saki were claimed by blue, which I reckon is probably their prerogative as forum moderator, but there are plenty of other characters to choose from still, and who knows, maybe someone else will manage to outdo my audition for Hayate, though I can't imagine anyone who would be so crazy as to try and top something like _that _brobdignagian monstrosity.**

**Anywho, go check out blue's **_**Hayate RP!**_** in the forums section. You can't miss it, seeing as the only other HnG forum on this entire site is **_**The Original Hayate no Gotoku Discussion Forum!**_**.**


	12. Mikoto on the Prowl

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: Okay, it's been a bit of a while since I last updated this, so I figured that I might as well churn something out. This chapter has its basis in 1.) Hatsuho's observation that Hayate looks like Nagi's mother, 2.) Mikoto's memory where Nagi's dad looks just like Hayate, and 3.) that I can rather easily imagine Mikoto as the cougar type of woman, even if she **_**is**_** only thirty (**_**30!**_**).**

**Honestly, I should probably be working on RtN instead, since I've only got so much writing time thanks to stuff, but **_**eh.**_

**Also, it is my twenty-first birthday today. Hooray?**

**Also, also, I actually started this one a fair while ago, but this and that got in my way and kept me from finishing it until today. So it might feel a little disjointed towards the end.**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Twelve:**

**Mikoto on the Prowl**

Mikoto Tachibana scowled darkly as she walked through Nerima. She felt incredibly out of place in the relatively peaceful and sleepy residential district, and she was quite sour with Mikado for tricking her into coming here.

_'That cheating old geezer...'_ the dark-haired woman thought irritably as she walked down a street she remembered from her youth. _'I hope he chokes on his beard.'_

Glancing down at the badly crumpled slip of paper clenched in her fist, she once again confirmed the location of her destination – it was more out of a nervous tic than any real need to double-check the address, as she doubted that any amount of booze, gambling, and promiscuity could ever make her forget the happier days of her youth, no matter how much she _wanted _to.

With a sigh, Mikoto came to a stop and looked up ahead. She saw an old-fashioned tenement, one she remembered quite well from days of playing there with Yukariko and Hatsuho before the former gifted the property to her butler. Who had now given it to Yukariko's daughter, after the girl had been stripped of her inheritance over one of that old fart's mind-games.

Once upon a time, when she was younger and more naive, Mikoto might have felt sorry for the girl. But now? She felt nothing. Even if the girl was, on a technicality, still engaged to her dear son, Mikoto felt nothing for her.

Despite – or perhaps _because of _– the fact that Nagi was the flesh and blood of Yukariko Sanzen'in, Mikoto could not care less about what happened to her. Maybe it was because Nagi was also the daughter of that man? She had always had strong feelings for Yukariko, after all, and if she had been a little jealous of the place _he_ had held in Yukariko's heart, then it was only natural.

Biting her lip, Mikoto stared up at the old apartment building. She looked incredibly out of place standing there in a slinky black dress and high heels. With dark hair and fair skin, her appearance was like that of an otherworldly spirit, a beautiful, ethereal phantasm bound to the earth by some deep sorrow or regret.

And in a way, Mikoto mused, that was exactly what she was. Aside from a son who disdained her and a single friend as distant as a stranger, there was nobody she cared about in the world of the living. She had no more dream or purpose upon the earth, and she she was simply drifting aimlessly through life, immersing herself in vice just to numb the ache of those whom she had lost. The money that flowed in and out of her hands was meaningless to her – it might as well have been sand for all the worth she placed in it – and men she took to her bed were all just a blur of names and faces, mere warm bodies used for brief respite from loneliness.

What business did she have coming here, where people lived and laughed and loved together? She was already dead, merely a specter of the past come to haunt the living.

Mikoto sighed. Why _did_ she come here, anyways? It wasn't like the old man was really _forcing_ her or anything... he'd simply bet her that she wouldn't be able to come here and face Nagi... A bit hypocritical of Mikado, really, after what _he'd_ done, but then Mikoto supposed that he _was_ the sort to play the long game, so it was entirely possible that he had a purpose for all of that... and maybe even for _this_, as well.

... possibly. After all, who could really say for sure when it came to that man? Maybe he had some master plan to shape Nagi into a worthy heiress, or maybe he just did it for shits and giggles. Either way, it wasn't like there was anything anyone could do about it. Mikado was a stubborn old sonuvabitch, after all.

Shaking her head, Mikoto took a step forward, only to stop when she saw the front door of the apartment building open and someone come out.

Her heart skipped a beat at what she saw, before a lusty smile formed on her lips.

"Ah..." sighed one Hayate Ayasaki in a contented tone as he closed the door behind him, "It's a lovely day, today!"

Mikoto Tachibana grinned predatorily as she watched the young butler bend over to pick up the paper, devious thoughts running through her head. His back was to her, and she was very much appreciating the view.

"Well, _hello,_" she said lustily, her mood immediately taking a turn for the better. "This must be that new young butler the old man has been crowing about for the past year."

Mikoto licked her lips as Hayate continued fumbling for the newspaper, which was somehow slipping out of his grasp every time he tried to grab it. Looking at his rear end in those nicely fitting trousers, she could not help but imagine copping a feel off of him. His bum certainly looked nice and firm, from what she could see, and he had the sense of an "M" about him.

Which was perfect, since Mikoto was very much an "S".

Smirking playfully, silently swooping forward, Mikoto did exactly as she had imagined. Even if she had been drifting about more or less aimlessly since Yukariko-chan's death, Mikoto was still very much a go-getter when she saw something she wanted.

And she wanted _him_.

Casually planting a hand on the seat of Hayate's trousers, Mikoto gave a squeeze. The blue-haired young man yelped and shot straight up.

"Hey, good-lookin'," Mikoto purred huskily, wrapping an arm around Hayate's shoulder and pushing the lad's head against her bust. "What's cookin'?"

* * *

[Narrio Wakamator: "A steamy, sultry, far-too-erotic-to-air half an hour later."]

* * *

Hayate, lying next to Mikoto Sanzen'in in a heart-shaped bed, body sweaty and smelling heavily of sex, stared straight up at the ceiling, eyes wide and slightly glassy. Mikoto's arms were wrapped around his slender but firm chest, the sheets hanging off of her body in a way which made it very clear that she was wearing absolutely nothing as she pressed herself against the young man – with a particular emphasis on the "_man_" part, now.

She had a satisfied look on her face as she leered down past Hayate's midsection, rather reminiscent of the cat which ate the canary.

"I see that little Nagi-chan has developed a surprisinglygood taste in boy-toys," Mikoto said, suggestively trailing a hand down Hayate's navel.

Hayate turned weary exhausted eyes toward Mikoto, who was eying him hungrily.

"_Again?_" he said weakly, a little exasperated. "But I have to get back to the apartment!" Despite the raised volume of his voice, there was no force behind his words, though.

Mikoto simply smiled.

"Why waste your time with little girls when you're lying in bed with a _real_ woman?" she asked him huskily, smirking as she saw Hayate sigh and resign himself to another round. She was probably doing the wrong thing, fooling around with that boy's heart, but damn it all if he wasn't just one of the most enjoyable lays she'd had in years.

Elsewhere, several different girls simultaneously felt the inexplicable urge to stab the nearest Tachibana with a rusty fork.

Wataru was just lucky that he was up to date on his tetanus vaccinations.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	13. Isumi's Mom Has Got it Goin' On

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: ...ah, somehow this has become relatively popular, it seems. I didn't notice until after adding the latest drabble, but this has gotten a lot of reviews, for something in this section of the site. This chapter... is pure smut, compiled and edited together from an HnG kink interactive (though almost all of the chapters in it were done by me personally...) that I've got going over at Writing dot com. **

**The context for this is, basically, Hayate is helping Isumi clean out a storeroom at the Saginomiya estate when he comes across a strange, Death Note-like book. Isumi tells him that it's the Book of Amen, which lets its user change the people around them, and even reality itself, to a certain extent, and that it's chosen him as its new master. **_**Naturally**_**, he uses its powers for perverted purposes (because it is a smut interactive). One of the more important changes he makes, at least in the context of what I'm posting here, is that he is engaged to Isumi. Also that she is a nudist with bunny ears.**

**I'd suggest you guys going over there to check it out, honestly, and maybe add to it if you have an account over there but a LOT of my stuff on that site is some **_**seriously**_** hardcore fetish shit, catering to some **_**very**_** niche audiences. If you really want to check the story this is from out, I'll gladly PM you the name of the interactive and its item id. But seriously, I warn you: if you have a weak stomach,**_** be careful what stories you click on.**_** In fact, unless you are into stuff like vore or guro, I'd suggest you just not click on any of the other items in my portfolio over there. **

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Thirteen:**

**Isumi's Mom Has Got it Goin' on**

It was short walk across the grounds of the Saginomiya estate to get from the storeroom to the front gate, only taking a minute or two even at the slow pace they were going. Hayate was leading Isumi by the hand, not wanting the girl's Ryoga-esque sense of direction to get them hopelessly turned around, and the girl was following him contentedly.

As they opened the front gate to step outside, however, they saw Isumi's mother, Hatsuho Saginomiya standing outside it.

"Ah, thank you, son-in-law," Hatsuho said when she saw that the gate had opened. "I was worried that I would wind up locked out all night again..."

Hayate sighed, though he did not let the pleasant smile leave his face. For all of the Saginomiya family's expertise with the supernatural, they were almost completely tech illiterate, and Hatsuho was probably the worst of them when it came to anything remotely technological. It baffled him anyone could be so repeatedly stymied by a concept as simple as pushing the button to call someone to open the gate.

"You're welcome, Saginomiya-sama," he said respectfully, ignoring the urge to shake his head in exasperation.

Hatsuho smiled at Hayate, walking up to him and grabbing hold of his free hand. Bending her head, she kissed it lightly, before looking up at Hayate with cutely glimmering eyes.

"Call me '_mom_'," she said, the air seeming to sparkle as she looked into Hayate's eyes.

The blue-eyed butler gulped, blushing slightly at the adorable look on Hatsuho's face. Isumi's mother was quite young, Hayate knew, Hatsuho having given birth to Isumi while still in her teens, and the woman's appearance was youthful to the point that she looked more like she was Isumi's cousin or older sister than her mother. Like her daughter, Hatsuho was not obviously endowed, though Hayate suspected that she was _at least _a B-cup underneath her kimono.

Her lips had also been very soft on his hand, and Hayate could not help noticing the slight blush on Hatsuho's face as she stared almost... _longingly_... into his eyes...

Giving Isumi a look, silently asking her to wait there for him, Hayate grabbed Hatsuho's hand and pulled the woman aside. Leading the not-even-thirty-years-old spiritualist by the hand, Hayate took her to a quiet, secluded spot on the manor grounds.

"Miss Saginomiya..." he started, before shaking his head and correcting himself. "...no, _mom_... is there something you want from me...?" he asked her, turning around and looking Hatsuho right in the eye.

The woman smiled softly, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. "Yes..." she said quietly, "...there is."

She then glanced down at Hayate's groin briefly, blush deepening before she once more met his gaze.

Hayate felt himself in shock as he realized just what was happening. Isumi's mother wanted him... in _that_ way? How in the world...? Was it because of him using the book...? No... that couldn't be it. He hadn't written anything that could have caused _this. _

At least, he was _pretty sure_ he hadn't...

... oh well. That wasn't important. What _was_ important was the fact that his future wife's cute mom very clearly (even to the notoriously oblivious-to-love butler) wanted him.

_Carnally_, to be specific.

This, of course, presented both an incredible opportunity and a very big risk. If he took Hatsuho up on her unspoken offer, the sex was likely to be incredible. But it also had a very high chance of blowing up in his face spectacularly, as such things were wont to do when Hayate was involved. He could always use that Book of Amen to make it so that him having intimate relations with Hatsuho wouldn't be a problem with her daughter, but then that would also defuse the kinky forbidden love aspect that would make such a coupling so especially intriguing in the first place...

Hayate frowned, thinking.

_What would he do?_

He was not much of a risk taker, when he could avoid it. Hayate knew this much. His life was full of more than enough pitfalls and dangers without him actively adding to them. And since when was he any sort of thrill seeker, anyway?

With that decided, smiling at Hatsuho, Hayate turned around and pulled out the Book, and he wrote:

_'Isumi Saginomiya and Hayate Ayasaki are in an open relationship. She does not care if he sleeps with other girls.'_

After a moment of further thought, Hayate's rarely seen perverted side surfaced briefly, and he added:

_ '...in fact, Isumi is most fond of joining in whenever Hayate is sleeping with another woman.'_

He then put the book away, and turned his attention back to Hatsuho. There was hungry look, deep in the woman's eyes, as she watched him. Her cheeks were erubescent as she glanced again down at his groin, which was swelling gradually as Hayate contemplated what he had just done, and what he was about to do...

Stepping forward, absentmindedly finding himself to be surprising free of anxiety or fear, Hayate reached and wrapped his arms around Hatsuho, pulling her into an embrace tight against his body, his semi-erect member rubbing against her thigh through his pants and her kimono.

"You want me," Hayate whispered into Hatsuho's ear, his usually boyish voice now low and seductive as he spoke, "Don't you, mom?"

Hatsuho shivered pleasurably at the warmth of his breath on her ear, melting into his embrace.

"Yes..." she admitted softly, "I do... You are such a thoughtful, handsome young man... it is no wonder my daughter fell for you... and no wonder that _I_ fell for you..."

Hayate smiled at this. He was going to have a lot of fun with this, he just knew it.

Hayate kissed Hatsuho, causing her to moan. He caressed the small of her back, even as his tongue plumbed the depth of her mouth. He pressed his body against hers, feeling her melt into his embrace as he passionately kissed her.

Hatsuho's tongue did not resist as Hayate explored every inch of her mouth. Her body did not resist as his hands lowered down to her ass. She did not resist, rather she urged him onward, silently begging him to take her. Her pussy was drenched, that much could be seen just from the growing wet spot on the front her kimono.

She wanted him inside her.

Reaching down as Hayate continued to kiss her and fondle her ass, Hatsuho deftly undid his belt and unzipped his trousers, letting them fall to the ground at their feet. The bulge in his boxers was incredibly large, and Hatsuho whimpered into Hayate's mouth as she felt his barely clothed erection grinding against her thighs.

She smiled when she felt Hayate's hands briefly take a break from kneading her tight bottom to return the favor, unfastening her obi and pulling her kimono down off her shoulders. It fell down to the ground, revealing that she took the same old fashioned approach as her daughter to underwear. As in, she did not wear any.

Hayate pulled back from kissing Hatsuho to take in the sight of her naked body. Like her daughter, the woman was slender and fair, a traditional Japanese beauty. Hayate's intuition regarding her bust was correct, though, as it was more full than her daughter's.

Hayate reached up and took one of his future-mother-in-law's small, perky breasts in hand. Hatsuho was not buxom by any stretch of the imagination, but her modest B-cups were enough to at least fill the young man's hands.

She moaned as Hayate lovingly, gently rubbed her breasts, kneading her modest endowments with the attentiveness and care of a pilgrim handling a holy relic. And he was a pilgrim, in a sense; a pilgrim traveling to worship at the shrine that was her body.

Slowly, Hayate trailed kisses down Hatsuho's neck, pausing briefly to lightly nibble on her collarbone. Hatsuho sighed longingly, happily, melting into bliss under her young lover's tender ministrations. He was treating her body with reverence, making sure to attend to every inch of her.

Her legs turned to jelly as the blue-haired butler took one of her small breasts into his mouth, and they collapsed into the grass, Hayate lying on top of her as he worshipfully suckled and nibbled at her motherly teat.

Hatsuho came with a whimper, unable to hold herself back any longer under Hayate's thorough, yet gentle, ministrations. He was too incredible to be real. His skilled foreplay was on a level above anything else Hatsuho had ever experienced.

It was indescribable, the way he could make her feel with just a touch. He seemed to know exactly what to do, and when to do it, to get the maximum effect. With just a kiss, he'd had her completely at his mercy. And now he was suckling so lovingly upon her modest breasts, so carefully teasing the rim of her anus with one finger while caressing the blossom of her womanhood with another. She simply could not endure such exquisite torment as this.

Honestly, Hayate was just too skilled to be real. Even if he wasn't, in truth, a virgin, to be this confident, and this capable, with handling a woman's body at his young age... Hatsuho had never heard of such a thing. It was like Hayate had become a completely different person the moment he put his arms around her...

...no, that was not quite accurate. He was still Hayate, still the same sweet, gentle, caring young man her daughter had been engaged to... just more confident. It was like... Hayate was himself, only older, and more experienced.

And _goodness gracious_, was he experienced. Hatsuho did not understand how it was possible, but somehow it was almost like Hayate knew her body better than she did...

As the boyishly handsome teen gently slipped a finger into Hatsuho's womanhood, she came a second time. As Hayate lightly nibbled at her nipples, slipping a finger into Hatsuho's anus, she came a third time.

He was unbelievable, this young man was, and as she came a fourth and final time Hayate slowly thrusting his fingers in and out of her, Hatsuho could not help but feel envious of her daughter.

With a final, passionate moan, Hatsuho Saginomiya collapsed, spent.

**TTFN and R&R!**


	14. It's Complicated

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: You know what? I'm honestly hoping Ruka **_**doesn't**_** win the manga competition. Not because I have anything against her, but because if she won and took on Hayate's debt, Hayate would undoubtedly feel obligated to go along with her, regardless of whether or not he**_** truly **_**reciprocated her feelings. And I don't think either of them would want something like that. **

**That said, I don't really want Nagi to win either, because, well... there are still many things she has yet to learn about life and love. As she is right now, she clearly does not have the emotional maturity for a real relationship. **_**"If you truly love something, set it free,"**_**–**** that in particular is one lesson she **_**sorely**_** needs to learn.**

**...as a result of that train of thought, this drabble actually isn't the least bit ecchi. orz**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Fourteen:**

**It's Complicated**

In a dusty, rundown bar in the sleaziest corner of Nerima, a grungy, disheveled man was nursing a cup of bitter, golden brown liquid. Aside from a few faint frown-lines and haphazard-at-best shave, the man was quite plain in appearance.

The bartender, a gangly, elderly fellow with failing eyesight and just a wisp of gray hair on his head, was half leaning on the counter, lethargically wiping a glass. He wore a tatty, threadbare tweed vest that might have once been quite sharp, say, two or three decades ago.

The clock on the wall up behind the counter, wedged awkwardly between shelves of dusty bottles, made a steady, monotonous TICK and TOCK as its hands slowly counted the passage of hours. It read half past seven, though the actual time was more about quarter to eight, give or take a few minutes.

The miserable-looking man sitting at the counter – the only customer in the run down old bar – gave a world weary sigh, before he took another sip of his beer. The bartender didn't ask him what the problem was, and the man didn't say. It was an understanding of sorts that the two had, an unspoken agreement to not pry into each other's problems. In fact, neither one even knew what the other's name was, though the morose fellow had been frequenting the bar every night for the past month and change.

As the customer drained the last dregs in his glass, the door opened and a handsome young man with light blue hair stepped through the door, a pensive look on his face.

"Hi, old timer," said the young man, addressing the bartender, "I'll have a bourbon; on the rocks, if you please."

The disheveled vagabond blinked and set down his glass, turning to face the newcomer. He raised an eyebrow curiously, recognizing the soft features and soulful blue eyes.

"Ayasaki?" he said, half bemused and half amused. He was silent for a moment, staring at the young Sanzen'in butler, before he abruptly let out a chortle and shook his head, smiling. "Well _hell_. I certainly didn't take _you_ for a drinker," he commented wryly. Pointedly he left unsaid the matter of the lad's age and minor status, not exactly being the sort to go out of his way to discourage delinquency.

Hayate's eyes widened infinitesimally as he took a second look at the man addressing him.

"Mizune-san...?" said he, taking in his former coworker's filthy, bedraggled appearance. "...What happened to you?"

"The brat lost her inheritance," Nezumimaru Mizune said bluntly, giving a noncommittal shrug. He pointedly ignored the way Hayate twitched at his mistress being called a brat. "And the old man wasn't exactly eager to put me on payroll."

"I see..." Hayate muttered, taking a seat next to the older man. "So what are you doing for work these days?"

Mizune snorted. "Nothing exactly legal," he said wryly.

"So the same as ever, then," said Hayate with an innocent smile, prompting the former hitman to punch him on the shoulder.

"_Fuck you_," Mizune retorted intelligently, giving Hayate another punch in the shoulder for good measure. The teen chuckled, and made a show of rubbing his shoulder.

Mizune shook his head at this, and he waved to the bartender, who was pouring out Hayate's drink. "I'll have another scotch while you're at it," he said.

The bartender nodded silently, acknowledging the order. While he filled their glasses, Nezumimaru turned to Hayate.

"So," he said, giving the lad a _Look_, "What brings you here? I never took you for the sort to turn to the bottle."

Hayate grimaced, his eyes darting away from Mizune's and refusing to meet them. Mizune noticed that the teen appeared to gone a shade paler at the question – not unexpected, all things considered.

Hayate did not answer. His lips were sealed tight.

Mizune narrowed his eyes, frowning thoughtfully.

"Well..." he said slowly, "... I can't say for sure, but with you trouble is usually one of two things, isn't it?" He paused for a moment, letting suspense build a bit before bluntly saying, "Either money... or girls."

Hayate winced, and Mizune saw that he had hit the nail on the head. "Of course, girl troubles it is. Hah," he chuckled, "I dunno whether to feel sorry for or jealous, ya little bastard."

Hayate sighed, looking down. "I suppose I _should_ feel lucky..." he murmured, "...after all, she truly is a wonderful person... I never thought someone like that could fall for somebody like me... And yet..."

Hayate sighed again, then looked up as the bartender set down his glass. Grabbing it and taking a short draught, he then continued.

"And yet... well, it's... _complicated_."

Mizune shrugged lazily.

"I've got time."

**TTFN and R&R!**


	15. An Incident that Does not End with Only

**HnG: Ecchi Gaiden**

A _Hayate the Combat Butler_ collection

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**A/N: I've touched on my misgivings about RukaHaya as a pairing before, but all of that aside it **_**is **_**a cute coupling, and if my heart didn't already firmly belong to the AyuHaya camp (or, failing that, AyuHayaHina) it is not inconceivable that I might have wound up rooting for RukaHaya.**

**Anyways, this is really one of the most bittersweet chapters I've done so far, I think. Haha, Ruka and Hayate are not exactly the luckiest couple...****  
**

* * *

**Ecchi Drabble Fifteen:**

**An Incident that Does not End with Only a Kiss**

It was a most curious sensation to which Hayate Ayasaki found himself privy on that one otherwise miserable summer day. A most curious sensation indeed.

It was warm, like sunlight on daffodils, sweet, like honey and cream. And soft, as well, like a down-fluffed pillow lying under one's head. It was comforting and familiar, like _home_ and _family_, yet it was also wondrous and fantastic, made from the stuff of fairy-tales.

It was indescribable, or nearly so, like dancing beneath the stars and leaping over the moon. Electricity seemed to run all throughout Hayate's body as he melted into the touch, the taste, the smell. He was walking on air, for the first time in ages without a care in the world.

Oh, it was a most wonderful feeling indeed, the substance of which the most beautiful things were made... and yet he could not afford but to damn its occurrence.

His head swimming, his world spinning, Hayate stared, dumbfounded, at Ruka as the girl pushed even further into the kiss – _her _ kiss. She had caught him flatfooted, off-guard, and he was still inwardly reeling from the blow she had struck him. And, indeed, had it been a literal blow it would have not have wounded him so grievously.

Hayate was silent, at a loss for what to say as he stared at Ruka, as she kissed him. How unfortunate it was, one might muse, for something like this to happen right as he was beginning to see Ruka for the beautiful, famous, _wonderful _girl that she was. How troublesome, how complicated, how painful.

And the kiss itself, was... so sweet that if felt like... his brain was was going to melt. And, as his brain melted from that sweetness... his first thought... was that he was, for the first time, kissing a girl other than Athena... his first mistress... his first love.

In his mind, he could imagine Athena's scorn, looking down on him and so sarcastically congratulating him.

_"Oh? You're kissing an idol? How wonderful for you."_

And he felt like crying out that he couldn't help it, that he had no choice in the matter.

But he didn't. He couldn't. Even if he shouted it out with all of his might, Athena would not hear him. She was no longer the same person he had fallen in love with all those years ago. She no longer had those memories, no longer remembered the experiences they had shared in those bittersweet days of youth as lady and servant.

And Hayate felt bitterness well up in his stomach at that thought, fighting through the sweetness of the kiss. But then Ruka finally pulled back, ending the kiss after what felt like an eternity, and his thoughts were brought crashing back to reality.

They were red-faced, both of them. Hayate stared at Ruka, his heart racing. Ruka stared at Hayate, her pulse quickening.

"Um..." Hayate began, unsure how to react to what had just happened. "Ruka-san..."

"Hayate-kun," Ruka interjected, staring in a generally downward direction.

"Y-Yes?" said Hayate awkwardly.

"This was my first time..." said she, still not meeting his eyes.

"...Eh?" Hayate said, uncertain what to make of Ruka's wording.

"You are the first person..." Ruka continued, her voice growing stronger as she finally found the courage to look Hayate in the eyes. "...the first person I've done that with!"

Hayate was silent, utterly at a loss for words. He could hardly tell her that it was probably his five hundred eighty-second time, after all.

"I love you, Hayate-kun!" Ruka declared, "I really do!" Her voice was passionate, and her crimson eyes were alight with an inner fire. "So will you... be my boyfriend?-!"

Hayate was silent for a moment. He didn't know what to say – this was happening too quickly. He'd only met her a little while ago, not even a month, yet here she was confessing those kind of feelings for him? It was beyond him. He didn't know what to say.

So he said nothing at all, and simply embraced her.

Now, Hayate knew, on some level, that this was a bad idea. He knew, as he leaned in to repay Ruka's kiss, that he was acting rashly. He could not reciprocate her feelings, her love.

Not now, not as he was.

It was not his place. He had no right to do this. He belonged to his lady, to Nagi Sanzen'in. His life was not his own, his future not his to decide. He could not commit himself to Ruka, could not accept her love. It was not his decision to make.

It was perhaps cruel of him, in a way, to do this to her, wrapping his arms around her body, planting a kiss upon her lips. She loved him, but he could not return those feelings. His heart was not his to give.

Still, though, he could at least do this much. He could at least hold her in his arms. Even if he could not love her, he could at least make love to her. He could not honestly say that he loved her: the truth was never pretty, but he could at least give her a beautiful lie.

Ruka blushed as she felt Hayate's hand trace circles down the small of her back, melting into her beloved's embrace as he kissed and caressed her. Her own hands found themselves undoing the buttons of Hayate's shirt half of their own accord as she pressed hungrily into the kiss, his and her tongues clumsily but passionately wrestling, greedily tasting one another even as their bodies grew hot.

As Hayate's shirt found itself falling to the floor, exposing his firm, lean torso, the hem of Ruka's short dress was being slowly lifted up. Ruka caressed Hayate's body, tracing his subtly powerful musculature as the butler slowly kissed and undressed her, his tongue exploring her mouth as he teasingly lifted her dress bit by bit.

The scarlet-eyed idol's hands found their way down Hayate's abdomen, reaching his trousers. Coyly, Ruka undid the buttons, blushing as she lowered the pants down his hips. They fell around Hayate's feet, leaving him in only his boxers. Ruka stepped back an inch, allowing him to pull her dress up over her head.

The two were now in only their under-clothes, and they had quite suddenly become uncomfortably aware of this fact. Both were red-faced and having a fair bit of trouble meeting one another's eyes.

"I... I wonder..." Ruka whispered shyly, trying very hard not to look at Hayate, feeling hot and flustered at the thought of his nearly naked body. "I wonder if we aren't moving too fast..."

Certainly, she had no doubt in her mind that she loved him, but they were young, and she was wary of advancing their relationship too far, too quickly, even if a considerable part of wanted this very much.

Hayate, having similar difficulty meeting Ruka's eyes, stared intently at a spot on the wall to his left. His face was as red as a tomato, and he was fidgeting awkwardly.

"I-if you don't want to..." he began to stammer, only to be cut off by Ruka.

"No...! I... I don't mean it like that!" she all but shouted, her cheeks flushed as she somehow forced herself to meet Hayate's eyes. Her voice then softened, and she shyly averted her gaze, whispering, "I-It's not like I don't want to..."

Hayate smiled at Ruka.

"You gave me your first time," he told her, leaning in to plant a kiss on her neck. "You told me you love me." He nibbled gently on the soft, smooth, alabaster skin, trailing kisses down to her collarbone. "I don't know if I can return those feelings yet..." he murmured, fingers tracing circles down Ruka's back as he nibbled and suckled at her skin. "...but I can at least give you my first time."

Ruka let out a soft squeak, her blush deepening. Her skin was lighting up at Hayate's touch, tingling all too pleasantly as he kissed and caressed her.

"That's okay..." she mumbled bashfully, whimpering as she felt one of Hayate's hands tenderly squeeze her behind. "...if it's with you, then..."

Hayate smiled, and he nipped lightly at Ruka's collarbone, causing her to let out a cute moan.

"...it's okay, right?" he said, finishing Ruka's sentence for her. He hooked a thumb under the band of her panties, softly tugging at them.

"Yeah..." Ruka murmured, slowly nodding her head.

Hayate pulled down her panties. Ruka unclasped her bra.

Before either of them knew it, they two were become one.

Hayate was gentle with her, as his hands explored her body. Ruka's body was weak, and she needed rest. That was why they had come out here in the first place.

So he did his best to be gentle, to take it slowly. Ruka made it hard, though. She kept begging him to go deeper, and harder, and faster. She was on cloud nine as he pleasured her, but she wanted more, always _more_.

He found it painfully hard to deny her what she wanted.

So he made love to her with ever increasing fervor and passion, exploring and attending to every inch of her body. He kissed her all over, rubbed and stroked her most intimate places. He pleasured her, worshiped her, and came in unto her. She asked him for more, every time, and he gave her more. Every time.

He made her a woman, made her feel things she had never felt before. And Ruka felt it only fair to reciprocate. So she made him a man, made him feel things he had never felt before. If Hayate made love to her because he could not give her his love, then Ruka made love to him in order to show him her love.

Their stars were crossed, two unfortunate fates – they could not become true lovers, perhaps, but for now, at least, they could pretend.

**TTFN and R&R!**


End file.
